20 Things You Don’t Want to See at the Beach This Summer

things you don't want to see at the beach

Summer is in full motion and everyone within 8 hours of a major body of water will be cramming their sweaty butts into the car and heading to the beach. That includes the freaks, weirdos and those not fit to leave the house in anything less than a burlap sack. Amidst the beautiful beach bodies and scenic wildlife will be some unpleasant specimens. If you find yourself witnessing any of these beach atrocities, do you your eyes a favor and throw sand in them. The stinging sensation will be far less painful than these beach fails.


Hey kids, forget the boogie board, nothing is more fun at the beach than an open sewage pipe. Nevermind that burning skin sensation to follow a few hours later, just throw some aloe on it.

men in one piece speedos

Let’s hope these men take a cue from the lemmings and throw themselves off a cliff into the sea.

tan mummy lady at beach

Somehow this ancient mummy crawled out of its sarcophagus and is now on the beach. Run, Johnny! Run!

seems legit

If you fail to pickup any beach babes, save yourself the embarrassment and refrain from adding the babes in with Photoshop.

monkey beach attack

A beach monkey attack could have easily been avoided if she’d stayed in America. #suckitThailand

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Just a giant cannon blasting black sh*t into the water, surely no reason to let it spoil a good beach day, right?

beached whale

One of these people should not be wearing a two-piece. Can you guess which one?

japanese swim masks

Either go to the beach like a normal human or commit to robbing a bank. You can’t do both.

space swimsuit

Yes, you have nice boobs, but that doesn’t mean people won’t laugh at you for wearing a bathing suit that looks more like a Battlestar Galactica costume.


The burkini is the perfect way to shield yourself from the warm summer sun AND convince sharks your a tasty seal. Win-win!


If you see a camper that’s slowly sinking into the surf, take a photo and warn the lifeguard that an idiot will probably be drowning very soon.

irish sunbathing

It’s advised that Irish sunbathers use SPF 2000 to avoid spontaneous combustion.

bad vacation pic

You will see a minimum of no less than two families at the beach who have zero idea how to swim.


Black metal surfers? Welcome the sandy beaches of the 7th circle of Hell.

sagging underwear at beach

Something tells me he’s lost and needs a juice box asap.


“Does Not Meet Standards for Human Contact” when has this ever stopped people from enjoying the water?


Consider this image your cue to hangout at the pool today instead.

starfish on dog

“Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!”

beach fail

Nothing makes a better life vest than garbage.

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jamaica vacation fail

Third world beaches are always the most beautiful. Just ignore the crippling poverty and enjoy your vacation!

1 Comment

1 Comment


the men with mankinis and top hats are kind of cute and funny. i think the whole point of it all was to do some kind of stunt… and old ppl and the no swim fams are ok too. they’ll just disappear or drown all on their own… but the burquini, at first glance it appears like something silly, either way. that is until you start thinking about it. as a matter of fact, the burqini is worse than a burqa1 both are subtle ways to impose jihad on the west. to resist western integration, purposely; which is the saddest part; they want to wear it. there’s now a law that prohibits burkinis in europe. respect it accordingly. if you want to take a swim, go to a muslim segregated pool instead. it’s beyond stupid to go to the beach with a bodysuit if you’re not going to actually dive. now they’re all butthurted and wft’d because we started to slightly self defend at a society level a little, which is the very least. the inverse of the burkini would be the near the ‘extremely offensive nakeini’. the point is that when a western woman travels to islamiland, she has to wear the silly ‘garment’; by law. but obv the opposite does not apply. until now, of course. soon enough muslim ‘men’ will demand that western women cover themselves more or risk being ‘rightfully’ raped. and no, i’m not kidding or mistyping. many have justified rape on that account. see, you conform to us; but we don’t conform to you. dbl std much… sound sim to what leftards do and say all the time… that’s because it is1 it’s no surprise that they defend the ‘free’ speech and ‘freedom’ of religion of the imbecile islamists. it saddens me that heavy doesn’t have a recent post about this; but i’m not surprised. so burkini, see; free speech only applies to muslims and their leftards sympathizers. everybody else has to conform to their stupid way of reasoning, if it can it be called that way at all to begin with…

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