Full Release: Movies

Piranha 3D

This is a huge weekend for movies. I can’t remember the last time that there were five wide releases all vying for the #1 slot. While none of them are exactly potential Best Picture nominees, they all know what their audience wants. The question is, which one will be the most successful in giving it to them? My guess?

Piranha 3-D – Everything about this movie has been handled masterfully. From a great B-list cast, to a marketing campaign that should be studied for years as an example of how to handle material like this. Also, if you are going to have a 3-D horror film take place around a lake area, you can be assured that there will be 3-D boobies. Starring Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, and Elisabeth Shue as part of the group that must band together to stop the deadly piranha. Watch the trailer here.

The SwitchJennifer Aniston is back to torment us all. This time she’s back to remind us that she just can’t find the right man, gosh darn it, so she’s gonna find a sperm donor and take care of getting pregnant herself. Well, her friend Jason Bateman has too much to drink and accidentally commits genetic rape. Whoopsee! Hijinks ensue. File under romantic comedy. Amazingly, your girlfriend or wife will laugh.

Nanny McPhee Returns – Has anyone ever actually watched the first Nanny McPhee movie? I don’t have a kid, but I babysit from time to time, and it always looked too British, like the type of thing if I turned it on someone would throw a Nintendo nunchuck through my tv in anger. Also, I always found it weird that the main character looked like the principal in Uncle Buck. Anyway, Nanny McPhee helps a family evacuate a city for a farm during wartime. Emma Thompson stars as the Nanny, while Maggie Gyllenhaal slums in this when she could be making Secretary II: File Harder.

Lottery Ticket – There is nothing about this movie that looks good. There seems to be 57 actors appearing in this film, but Bow Wow is the star. Not only is Bow Wow the star, but Katt Williams is the main selling point of the advertising campaign in what is sure to be 20 seconds of actual film time. Basically the movie dissolves into random characters trying to steal BW’s ticket, or get pregnant with his kid, or any number of things that makes me glad this wasn’t retooled into a Larry the Cable Guy vehicle. Watch the trailer.

Vampires Suck – Man o’ man, deep in my bones I have a bad feeling this is going to have a monster weekend. I’m talking Friday night it could clear $40 million off the teenyboppers. Everyone that ate up Twilight? They are talking about this movie, and not in a, “Oh, that looks dumb” way  either. Not only will this be huge, but this will keep the whole spoof theme movie industry going for years to come. Thanks Twilight. You’re the gift that keeps on giving.

The Tillman Story – If you want something a little more substantial this weekend and get the opportunity, this might be more worthwhile. The Tillman Story tells the story of Pat Tillman, the football player that left behind the money and fame of the NFL to join the military in the aftermath of 9/11. Director Amir Bar-Lev reveals in this documentary the lengths that the military went to in using his tragic death in combat as just another propaganda tool. While this will only have a limited release, be on the look out, because I am sure this will have a steady roll out during the next few weeks, and you will definitely hear it’s name come up at awards time.

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