After the first audit of the precinct didn’t go so well in last week’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a new third-party is coming to the squad to see how things are run in “Serve & Protect.” The problem is that this second audit likely won’t go well either, since the lieutenant running it is Terry’s ex-girlfriend!
In “The Audit,” the team learned that crime in Brooklyn has decreased, so the New York City Police Department is looking to close down one precinct forever. The first lieutenant tasked with examining the precinct was Teddy, Amy’s ex-boyfriend. Although he thought the precinct was great, he decided to recuse himself because he figured out that he still has feelings for her.
This means that Lt. Veronica Hopkins (guest star Kimberly Herbert Gregory of Vice Principals) will take over. Sadly, she dated Terry for a long time and still has had trouble moving on, even though he’s married with two daughters.
Here’s a look at the action in “Serve & Protect.”
The Fear of Intimacy
The episode kicks off right were “The Audit” ended, with Hopkins explaining the situation to the squad. Terry asks her if she really thinks she is fit to do this, considering their past. She insists that their history will not keep her from doing a valid evaluation of the precinct, even though she now has a fear of intimacy that has troubled every subsequent relationship.
Jake gets really nervous as Hopkins leaves. He tells Terry that there’s only one thing he can do: divorce his wife, abandon his children and get back with Hopkins to save the precinct. Terry instantly refuses to do so. “Come on, you didn’t even consider it!”
Diaz is still having trouble getting the copy machine to work. She wants to fax her resume to other precincts, since she’s sure that the Nine-Nine will be closed down. “Why are you being such a Gloomy Gus?” Jake asks. “I’m a Realistic Randy,” Diaz replies. She later adds that she hates people, life sucks and nothing good ever happens.
Jake tries to cheer up Rosa, but Scully’s discovery of a bag with a cupcake inside does little to lighten the mood. So, he tells her that he has a great case. An actress named Cassie Sinclair (Kelly Sullivan) has had her laptop stolen and she stars on Serve & Protect, their favorite cop show. The laptop has some compromising material on it. The case gets Diaz a little excited, so they take the case to keep their mind of bigger matters.
Later, Hitchcock and Scully run into the break room to tell Terry and Amy that Hopkins is really out to get them. Gina says they just have to figure out what Terry did that was so bad to Hopkins and apologize. Unfortunately, Terry can’t think of anything specifically. He didn’t cheat on her and didn’t date one of her friends. So, Amy thinks she can engage in some “girl talk” with Hopkins to figure this out.
Amy goes up to Hopkins, telling her, “It’s time for some girl talk.” She’s immediately met by someone who does not want to small talk. “Let me see that bra!” “Excuse me?”
“It didn’t work,” Amy says as she walks back into the break room. “What else we got?”
At the set of Serve & Protect, Jake and Diaz meet Sinclair, who is instantly impressed with the way Jake wears his badge around his neck. He then gives her some acting tips that are useless. The conversation turns to the case at hand then. Executive Producer Gary Lurmax (Greg Germann) then shows up, and is surprised to see that Sinclair brought detectives in. This immediately raises Diaz’s suspicions, but Jake is impressed.
Back at the precinct, Boyle requests a conversation with Holt in the bathroom, even though he’s steadfastly against bathroom chats. Boyle doesn’t want Hopkins to hear what he has to say. He thinks he knows what she’s going through since he’s been broken up with six – no, wait, 210 – times. “My point is, I’m worried that Veronica will never forgive Terry.” He wants to know who is above Hopkins on the command chain that Holt can appeal to. Sadly, that person is on vacation in the Poconos. Boyle suggests they go out there, pretend to run into him and have a little conversation about the Nine-Nine.
At first, Holt doesn’t think this is a good idea since it’s not protocol, but he thinks it might work. “You know Boyle, you’re a bad influence on me.”
“I’ve never been a bad influence on anyone!” Boyle say. “Should I bring my leather jacket? It’s ankle-length and fitted. I won’t bring it. It’s too nice.”
At the movie set, Diaz and Jake learn that the thief had to have broken Sinclair’s briefcase in order to steal it from her trailer. Then, co-star Mark Devereaux (Nathan Fillion) walks in and the two real detectives freak out about meeting the man who plays a fake one. Devereaux apparently thinks he can act like a TV cop while investigating a case in real life (on a fictional TV sitcom… WOAH!). Sinclair said her co-star thinks he’s really a detective because he’s been playing one for 15 years.
Sinclair has to get to work, but Devereaux stays behind and picks up the laptop case with his bare hands, getting his fingerprints all over it! “Never wear gloves on the show. Fans loves to see my fingers… almost as much as they love to see my feet. Google it.”
Later, Jake freaks out about Devereaux giving him his business card and telling him to call the actor if there’s anything else. The executive producer then comes up and tells the two real detectives that they have great chemistry. He asks them if they’d be interested in becoming consulting producers and Jake agrees to it. But something smells really fishy to Diaz, who thinks Lurmax is trying to buy them off. Jake insists that it would take more than a job offer to make him compromise the integrity of the badge, just as Lurmax offers some chicken fingers. Diaz rolls her eyes.
WWBD: What Would Bugs Do?
After the break, Diaz and Jake meet up. Diaz is sure that Lurmax is up to something, but Jake say that this is just how showbiz works. Jake still isn’t buying this. After all, Lurmax is rich. Why would he need to steal a laptop. It’s for leverage, Diaz explains. He’s been fighting with Sinclair over her contract. Diaz says that all of this has been a ploy to keep them off the trail, but Jake thinks it’s real because he knows Hollywood. He knows Hollywood so well that he can’t tell a real door from a fake.
Back at the precinct, Amy and Gina ask Terry to walk through his relationship with Hopkins. He still thinks he didn’t do anything wrong because he respects women. (“I want to pay for a sandwich with a $10 Ellen DeGeneres.”) He says he took her out for the perfect break-up dinner and said all the right words. It was such a good break-up that the other guests at the restaurant applauded! Gina doesn’t believe him, so she and Amy still want to keep grilling him.
In the Poconos, Holt and Boyle run over their plan to ambush Deputy Commissioner Grayson to get him to make sure Hopkins doesn’t recommend the Nine-Nine be shut down. To make sure they were on the right floor of the hotel, Boyle called the desk and pretended to be Grayson’s mother. Grayson then walks up to the elevator and does not want to talk about this while on vacation. He tells them to bring up their problems with their auditor. A young woman then walks up and calls Grayson “lover.” Grayson pretends that the woman is his goddaughter.
In their hotel room, Boyle thinks he can use this to his advantage. Like Bugs Bunny, he wants to blackmail Grayson. Holt thinks this is a really bad idea. “I am no Bugs.” Rather than break the law though, Boyle suggests they insinuate that they can blackmail him by letting Grayson know that they figured out what’s going on. They can ask him how his wife is, and then Grayson can think that they’re going to blackmail him. Boyle and Holt go back and forth about how he will ask Grayson how his wife is.
At the set, Sarah (Sujata Day), a production assistant, tells Jake and Diaz that she doesn’t think anyone would steal Cassidy’s laptop. Devereaux stops by and does his detective schtick, pretending to grill Sarah before Diaz stops him. “Sometimes, I wonder why I do this job,” the actor says. “You don’t,” Diaz reminds him. She asks Sarah were Lurmax was last night and Sarah remembers that he asked her to tell him when Sinclair left her trailer. “Hm. Interesting,” Diaz says. Jake then asks if the donuts are free.
In Lurmax’s office, he comes up with an excuse for going through Sinclair’s trailer. Diaz tries her best to interview the producer, but he keeps avoiding questions by tossing bait at Jake. When Lurmax leaves to get the writers, Diaz tells Jake to focus. Diaz tells Jake that he’s being manipulated by the prime suspect. Jake just thinks she’s seeing the worst in everyone. But Diaz tells him that he’s being a bad cop.
Looks Like They Gave Housekeeping a Hell of a Tip. A Finger Tip.
After another break, Jake shows the writers and Sinclair how he’d take down a cannibal. He did find out that all of the writers have an alibi, so none of them are thieves. While he was off in Fantasyland, Diaz says she solved the case. She found security footage that shows Lurmax going into Sinclair’s trailer to get the laptop.
Gina offers Terry a yogurt, but then throws it at the wall. She and Amy still want the truth about Hopkins and Terry’s break-up. Terry says he did everything right, even waiting 18 months after her mom died to break up with her. “Seriously?” Amy and Gina ask. Terry then tells them that he got his break-up gift for Hopkins when he was first planning on breaking up with her. The gift receipt revealed when he really wanted to break-up with her.
At the hotel, Holt begins to try to “insinuate” to Grayson, but Boyle stops him. Boyle says that one of the reasons why he likes working at the Nine-Nine is because of Holt and his unwavering morals. He doesn’t want to see his boss sacrifice that to save the precinct. “I’d rather we split up than compromise who we are.” Holt then tells Boyle that he’s happy that they won’t lower themselves to blackmail. “I agree. From now on, the only black male I want anything to do with is you,” Boyle says. Eek.
Later, Diaz and Jake present Lurmax with an arrest warrant. Diaz then finds the backpack they saw him with on the security footage. Sadly, all that’s in the bag is painkillers. Lurmax says that Sinclair has a pain killer problem and the show has been trying to help her. That’s why he was surprised that she called the cops. Sadly, Jake already told Lurmax that he hates the show and the job offer was rescinded.
Everything Is Awful
At the precinct, Jake is watching the show on his computer. Diaz asks him if he’s going OK, but he’s really angry that all his Hollywood hopes fell apart. Now, Jake agrees with Diaz that everything is awful and they’ll never solve the case. However, he does reassure her that they will still be friends, even if the Nine-Nine is broken up. When she tells him to get his hands off her, he thinks he’s solved the case.
They bring in Devereaux to show him that one scene where the actor once wore gloves on the show, even though he said he never does. They realize that Devereaux wanted them to see him put his fingerprints on the backpack because he’d already touched it. Jake theorizes that Devereaux was going to post the compromising photos online to derail Sinclair’s career. The actor denies it, but Diaz throws the laptop on the table. They found it in the trunk of his car. “I stand corrected. Yeah, you got me. I did it,” Devereaux says. “Good job.”
Later, Terry heads over to Hopkins and apologizes for how he handled the break-up. He’s realized that being nice to someone also means being honest, even if it hurts their feelings. However, he says she doesn’t have to accept his apology. He just wants her to give the precinct a shot. Sadly, she already turned in her report and it was real bad.
During the closing credits, a scene from Serve & Protect plays, showing a criminal named “Jake Peralta, the grossest pervert of all time!” Sinclair’s character then repeatedly shoots him. “They used my name!” Jake yells.
On The Next Episode
The next episode is called “The Last Ride” and airs on April 25. In it, Jake and Charles take on the case of a bike thief, which could be their last case together. Charles will be crushed.