War Machine: Armed And Dangerous

War Machine, aka Jonathan Koppenhaver, is perhaps the most fascinating figure in all of mixed martial arts. First he was fired from the UFC for refusing a fight and then insulting the late Evan Tanner, a dearly loved member of the MMA community. Then he was fired from Bellator without ever stepping into the ring, this time for threatening President Obama on Twitter. Then… porn. Interested fans, and some would argue all MMA fans are a little interested, were finally able to see War Machine’s gun. After years of struggle, it seemed the Machine was finally living the life.

“I signed with La Direct Models this week and today I did my first porn scene!” Koppenhaver wrote on his MySpace account. “…I’m still gonna fight…..just gonna do this too because fighting isn’t quite enough money and you all know I ain’t trying to work! In life I have come to learn that all I enjoy is eating, sleeping, fighting and f*cking!! Fuck it! I’m living the dream.?.?.?getting PAID to fight and f*ck! What more could I ask for? =)”

But Jon Koppenhaver wouldn’t be War Machine if he couldn’t mess up a good thing. Being paid to lie around, beat people up, and screw hot chicks wasn’t enough for the man with the tattoo of a hand grenade on his neck. He allegedly went berserk at the birthday party of adult film star Brook Haven this weekend, dropping eight party goers including his girlfriend and his “porn agent” Derek Haye. Of course, War Machine was not content to do the dirty deed. He had to twitter about it too.

“Fuck….last night was NOT good…,” War Machine wrote. “lil’ misunderstanding and then WM was back in effect and the bodies hit the floor. I’m f*cked….lol”

The little misunderstanding has landed the Machine on the local crime stoppers list. Can anyone bring this man to justice? Police say that in addition to his deadly fists and chokeholds, he should be considered armed and dangerous. If you see him, be sure to lock your doors and hide any porn star girlfriends. Then call the police or Yoshiyuki Yoshida, who was able to subdue War Machine at UFC 84.

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