Jennifer Lopez Opens Up About Tough Summer: ‘Your Whole House Blows Up’

Getty Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.

Jennifer Lopez opened up in great detail about her difficult summer and changes in her life, telling Interview Magazine that it was “probably the hardest time of my life” and felt like “your whole house blows up.”

Lopez shared her thoughts about her life journey with Nikki Glaser in an October 9 conversation published by Interview. In the interview, Lopez didn’t mention the words “Ben Affleck” – the estranged husband she is in the middle of divorcing – but she said plenty about pain and resilience.

Lopez referenced her movie, “This Is Me… Now: A Love Story,” which chronicled her failed relationships and her love story with Affleck. Their relationship crumbled shortly after its release. “I felt like, whoa, I got here. I’m good. I did all the work and look at where I am, and then it was like my whole (expletive) world exploded,” she told Glaser.

“And now I think, with everything that’s happened in my life and in my relationships and even in my career, it’s like, give yourself a bit of comfort and love. We’ve been through a lot of things that nobody knows about, and you’ve persevered and you refuse to give up and to let it get you down,” she added.

Lopez, 55, filed for divorce from Affleck, 52, on August 20, dating their separation to April 26, TMZ reported. She embarked on a summer of selfies, vacations to Italy and the Hamptons, and spending time with her kids, according to her posts on Instagram.

Jennifer Lopez Revealed That She Felt Like She Was ‘Standing There in the Rubble’

GettyJennifer Lopez.

Lopez said in the interview that it was difficult for her to cancel her tour, which she did in the wake of reports of marital strife.

“I was so devastated to let anybody down, but I just needed to be with my kids and myself and really dig down deep into things that were happening in my life,” she told Glaser. “And I’m glad I did because it was a really difficult time for me. Probably the hardest time of my life, but it was also the best time because I got to do that work on myself.”

“When your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, ‘How do I not ever let that happen again?’ And then you start examining it little by little saying, ‘Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at,'” she told the magazine. “Those things are what really are the lessons.”

Lopez also revealed that she’s not looking to date anyone else soon, saying, “I’m not looking for anybody.”

Jennifer Lopez Discussed Her Insecurities & Learning to Be Alone

GettyJennifer Lopez.

Lopez told Interview that the pain “doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did. But now, on the other side of it, I think to myself, ‘(Expletive), that is exactly what I needed. Thank you, God. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry that you had to do this to me so many times. I should have learned it two or three times ago. I get it. You had to hit me really hard over the head with a fucking sledgehammer. You dropped the house on me. Don’t have to do it again.'”

She said she wanted to show the world and herself that she could be alone this summer.

“It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, ‘These things are not going to kill me,’ it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me,” she told Glaser.

Lopez opened up to Glaser about insecurities she said she developed as a child because she felt “ignored, being a middle child, having a very outgoing mom and a dad who worked all day and worked all night and feeling like you weren’t important like you weren’t a priority.”

“My whole life has been proving my enoughness. Dealing with feeling like you’re enough, from when you’re very young, is something that you don’t figure out for a long time because you’re not looking at yourself like that,” Lopez told Glaser.

“Something is driving you and your decisions and you don’t know why,” she added.

“I think my whole life I’ve just been trying to say I’m good enough, until where I am now, when I know. I’m giving myself credit,” she told Glaser.