During an appearance on Trista Sutter’s “Better, Etc.” podcast, former “Bachelor” star Ben Higgins revealed that he’s been having a tough time lately. He told Sutter that he actually went back to his home state of Indiana to try to figure his life out after have a “breakdown.”
“I am back in Indiana right now because of a breakdown, again, in my life where I’m going, ‘I don’t know what’s happening.’ I don’t know what this next season of life looks like for me. I’m farther and farther removed from the show and then, at the same time, I need to figure out what my life’s gonna look like and what my legacy is going to be,” Higgins said.
Although Higgins, 32, is having a really hard time figuring things in his life out at the moment, his relationship with Jessica Clarke isn’t the reason, and the two are still planning to wed in the fall, according to People magazine. “I’m getting married — and I’m so excited to get married,” Higgins told Sutter.
Higgins, however, admits that he feels like an outsider.
Here’s what you need to know:
Higgins’ Relationship With Clarke Remains a Positive in His Life
The one thing that Higgins has going for him that is positive is his relationship with Clarke. The two became engaged in March 2020, and have been planning a 2021 wedding ever since.
“I was super nervous. She’s my best friend, my partner and I love her. I was nervous to kind of do this whole thing in front of her. I wasn’t anxious, it’s just a big moment,” he told Entertainment Tonight after the proposal.
Things still seem to be going well for Higgins and Clarke, as evidenced by his Instagram account.
“As wedding planning speeds up and the details come together (more updates on wedding planning soon) I just wanted to give us all a chance to admire my beautiful future bride! Lucky me,” Higgins captioned a photo of himself and Clarke on June 25.
“I have prayed for you for as long as I can remember. Jessica for all of our years ahead I will continue to remind myself of how lucky I am. It will not be hard to do because just by being you you remind me of it daily. I am forever grateful for you, my partner for life. I am thankful for the many more laughs, the many more eye rolls, the many more tough conversations, and the many more steps forward we will take to become stronger, wiser, more loving of each other, others, and Jesus,” Higgins captioned a photo in honor of Clarke’s birthday.
Higgins Admitted That He’s in a ‘Low Place’ & Is Unsure About His Future
Higgins has been doing his best to try to figure out what he wants out of life, but it hasn’t been easy.
“It’s a really exciting season. The seasons are unfamiliar to me, but it’s also really hard because I’m at a low place. I don’t see myself as this thriving figure right now. I’m kind of lamenting and separating myself from a lot of things that I’ve held close,” Higgins told Sutter.
This is something that Higgins has been struggling with for quite some time. In fact, he spoke with Us Weekly about his feelings of despair back in February. “Not a lot of people know it in my own life, like, a lot of people don’t know that side [of me]. Because it’s not something you go around and parade around when you’re in it. It’s not something you talk about often, but [it’s] healing in a lot of ways to write it and to know what’s out there,” he said at the time.
Higgins spoke openly about his time on reality television — and its aftermath. Higgins told Sutter that being on “The Bachelor” may very well have been “the best thing that ever happened” to him, but he admits he’s struggling to figure out who he is — what his purpose is — now that the show is in his rearview.
“I don’t know how to make it my purpose now. I don’t know what to do with it anymore. It’s not really a piece of me anymore. I can talk about it, I can share my experience about it but ultimately, I was just telling Jess this the other day, I was like, I feel like my only role in the ‘Bachelor’ now is to be there for the contestants that want me to be there for them,” Higgins told Sutter.
He also said that he was envious of people coming off the show and having a place in the world, however, he said that he feels like he should warn those people that this “season” won’t last forever. And that’s basically where he is at this point. Higgins shared that he doesn’t know where he fits within the franchise, but, moreover, he doesn’t think he wants his legacy to be solely related to “The Bachelor.”