Stan Lee Kicking the Grim Reaper’s Ass With New Pacemaker

You say you think Spider-Man, The Hulk, The X-Men and Daredevil are cool under pressure? They ain’t got nothing on their creator, legendary comic book writer Stan Lee, who underwent surgery last week to have a pacemaker implanted near his heart.

Let’s just say that fan boys everywhere were scared their hero was dying or was close to dying, and the rumors were flying faster than Spider-Man swinging from building to building on his way to kick the Green Goblin’s ass.

Did you really think Stan Lee — the creator of everything good and holy in the comic books — would go out with a whisper? With no final message?

Lee’s alive, still kicking and at 90, his heart’s tick-tocking just like it should be again. And in his own way, he issued a statement on Pow Entertainment’s website that will go down in history as one of the coolest, the best, the most awesome “I’m not dead yet, dammit” statements and yes, it’s super-heroic:

“Attention, Troops!

This is a dispatch sent from your beloved Generalissimo, directly from the center of Hollywood’s combat zone!

Now hear this! Your leader hath not deserted thee! In an effort to be more like my fellow Avenger, Tony Stark, I have had an electronic pace-maker placed near my heart to insure that I’ll be able to lead thee for another 90 years.

But fear thee not, my valiant warriors. I am in constant touch with our commanders in the field and victory shall soon be ours. Now I must end this dispatch and join my troops, for an army without a leader is like a day without a cameo!”

Now, let’s just say it all together. Stan Lee still kicks ass. And if he wants to start rapping with Kwayzar, well, we’re pretty sure Stan Lee ain’t “living in limp dick city,” either.