Nate Burrell left a very detailed and emotional final suicide note to his wife Jordan and many other people on his Facebook page.
According to TMZ, his sister has confirmed that the star of the A&E docuseries 60 Days In has taken his own life. The show features people who voluntarily enter jail to show what it’s like on the inside.
The suicide note was still visible on Burrell’s Facebook page on November 1. You can read it in part below, but be aware that it may be upsetting to some readers.
If you or a loved one needs help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day with support in English and Spanish at 1-800-273-8255.
Here’s what you need to know:
Burrell Has a Child on the Way, TMZ Says
TMZ reported that Burrell took his own life on Saturday night, October 31. His sister told the site that he “shot and killed himself out in public in downtown Allegan, Michigan.” He was a military veteran.
According to TMZ, “He had a child on the way with his wife, but it looks like he and his wife split.” His wife is pregnant with a baby boy, their first child, according to Outsider.
His Facebook page says he “Worked at 0311 1/7 Baker Company” and studied law enforcement at two community colleges. He was from Allegan, Michigan.
Many of the photos he posted with the suicide note show his wife and their wedding.
Burrell wrote on his LinkedIn page:
After graduating from Allegan High School, I served in the United States Marine Corps as an Infantryman from 2006 to 2010. I served on 2 Combat Tours in Iraq in 2007-08 and 2008-09 I received an Honorable Discharge in 2010. I worked as a Foreman for Building Restorations Inc. for 1 year. I graduated from Rasmussen college in December of 2014 with an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement. I am now a CAD designer for Lanphear Tool Works Inc. specializing in Solidworks CAD. I have a passion for outdoors and love hunting, fishing, hiking, and camping.
Burrell Discussed His Wife in His Suicide Note
In the suicide note, Burrell made a number of allegations against his wife. He wrote:
This isn’t an admission of guilt. I’m just tired, I’ve been through so much in my life, the pain of my situation now hurts more than I ever imagined. I can’t keep going on. I’m sorry Jordan I let you down. I have dreamed of the day I get to raise my son, but that was taken away from me. I can only imagine how bad this would all turn out, all of the legal crap that would ensue after this with custody and everything else. You win! You have promised for weeks, you will ruin my life and I had no idea who I was messing with. You are right, I didn’t know who I was messing with. You told me you wished I still wanted to kill myself a few weeks ago, and that has sat in my heart since. This isn’t a post to bash you but instead to lift you up.
I want to apologize to my family and friends for failing you. I know alot of you will think you could have changed my mind I ensure you, you wouldn’t. This isn’t a spontaneous thing. I had so much support through this and I am beyond grateful for everyone and everything you all have done. SO THANK YOU! But we all have our day, our time to go, most feel like we shouldn’t decide that but I’m here to tell you I’ve made that decision and as hard as it was I am happy with my decision. I’m done fighting the demons of my past, I’m done fighting the demons of today, and the demons of tomorrow. I hope my son gets to meet my friends and family and they can be apart of raising him. I pray that my family doesn’t resent ANYONE for my decisions. I know Jordan can be the best mom in the world and she will do an amazing job, I just need to remove myself from this picture to create a less complicated aspect of her raising him. I’ve said during every fight and argument to my family that Jordan is an amazing woman and even though people try to show me something else I see the real you Jordan. I’ve literally had some of the best times of my life with you Jordan you were truly my best friend.
The note also mentioned various other people in his life, including his mother:
Tamara MOM you have the most beautiful soul ever, thank you for protecting me as a child. Thank you for guiding me as a young adult. I am forever indebted for your many sacrifices you have made for all of your children and even the ones you have raised who aren’t yours. I love you so much please be as much as a part of my sons life as you can. I know you and Jordan haven’t seen eye to eye on everything and you both need to raise above that hate and be there for him. I LOVE YOU MOM!
He also wrote about his sister, his grandparents, childhood memories, his uncle, various friends and even a childhood babysitter in the deeply personal message.
The suicide note continued:
I finally get to join some of the friends that no longer walk this dark path that we have all fought for years. I’d also like to mention the behavioral health side of our nation needs to be revamped and funded in a way its never seen. Our military and their families need it. I checked myself into the hospital for wanting to commit suicide and from the beginning I felt like a criminal going to jail. Stripped of my dignity and identity and personal property. I needed my family and friends during this time and you took that away. Not being able to communicate put me in such a darker hole than I was in originally that was so hard on me mentally. I would have told you anything to get me out of that place even if it meant I was okay when I wasn’t. You didn’t help me you held me prisoner so I couldn’t hurt myself? You need a better system America. This is the reason veterans and our military are killing themselves at such a high rate. They arent getting the treatment they need when they reach out for help they go to a place like I went. And as I told the doctors there I would kill myself before coming back to a place like this. You should be ashamed of yourselves. All I wanted was help, I sought you and you treated me like an animal.
For those who want to celebrate this day as a victory, enjoy it. I know alot of people hate me and that’s just what its going to be. I won’t change your minds. I hope you understand I’m sorry for hurting anyone in my life. And I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me, I wasn’t a horrible person, I may have said or have done a few things to make you feel that way but I tried living my life as good as I could. I slipped up I created voids where voids didn’t need to be. None of us are perfect and none of us should cast judgment onto another person without knowing the complete story. I hope you all know I love you, every last one of you! I’m truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.
For those who are mourning know I’m in such a better place. I’m no longer fighting the battles that have been causing so much pain in my mind and life. Waking up feeling worthless, lost, confused, and tired/exhausted. I know you all have told me thats not who I am and I’m talented and have a good head on my shoulders, I appreciate you, but it doesn’t help how I feel. I’m so lost and really can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Since I’ve been out of the Marines I struggle with alot of aspects of reality, I struggle with sleep, feeling comfortable around people, going out in gatherings, focusing, memory issues. We have been told we are weak if we seek medical help in the military. It becomes a pride thing because you are afraid to be viewed as weak. I take my last breaths I hope you know I think about every single person that has came into my life. I tried my best! Please if you guys have a celebration of life or service for me, let everyone who wants to be there be there. Don’t stop Jordan or anyone else from being there if they want to. I ask from the bottom of my heart that you honor this. It isn’t her fault or anyone else’s fault that I made this decision. I pray that God puts peace on all of your hearts and minds. This day should be a day of everyone coming together and comforting everyone. I love you all.
Jordan you are going to do better raising our son without me than with me. I don’t hate you I’m not upset or mad, I’m sad, why did it have to turn out like this?! You’re such a beautiful person and can be the most loving person ever. Please move forward with your life with respecting yourself, loving yourself, you aren’t impossible to love, all of those things you and I have talked about are not you! You are such a fun person to be around, just keep your head up. I’m not there physically but I hope to always be there in the back of your mind, giving you the advice you need, when you are down. I hope to motivate you in the way I would when you would call me and ask me to help you. I told you regardless of our marital status I would love you and I hope you know that I still love you. My best day I’ve experienced so far was our wedding day. Our song is literally the perfect representation of that day. I just wonder if things would have went differently how would we have ended up. Just so you know you have been my favorite memory. If you don’t get my letters that I wrote to our son and you I’m sorry. I tried giving you closure. I feel like life would never have felt complete without meeting you, I wish our relationship would have went a different way but it didn’t. I’m a better person for knowing you. I LOVE YOU Heartbeat ❤❤💔.
The note concluded:
Let our lives not be defined by our mistakes but instead our hearts.
A few bible verses for you to remember during this time:
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my Soul to keep[;]
If I should die before I ‘wake,
I pray the Lord my Soul to take.
For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also speak with a trained crisis counselor 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. You can also contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at 1-800-950-6264 or by texting NAMI to 741741.