‘Survivor’ Winner: My Heart is ‘Exploding with Grief’

Four-time “Survivor” player Parvati Shallow has been open about her struggles with grief in recent years. Not only did she lose her younger brother less than two years ago, but she is also going through a publicized and messy separation with her husband. Both have been taking a toll on her, and she has not been shy about taking to social media to share her emotional struggles with her fans.

Recently, Shallow made an Instagram post in which she said her heart was “exploding with grief and heartbreak,” and that it sometimes “hurts so much I want to vomit.” Here’s what you need to know:

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Shallow Is Open About Her Grief, but Also Sees Silver Linings in Her Struggles

On Instagram Friday, Parvati Shallow posted a message alongside a picture of herself sitting with her back against the wall of her house (above). In the message, she said that, “Sometimes my heart is exploding with grief and heartbreak. I also feel it expanding so I can hold more calm, loving presence for myself and others. Both I’m finding excruciatingly painful.”

Shallow, however, who is known for her specialty in treating mental health difficulties through yoga, meditation, and self-help (even dedicating a YouTube channel to it), saw hope in her future. “The gift of feeling all of it is that I can see what’s true more accurately. Knowing Truth for yourself is a BIG DEAL,” she said. “I’m strong enough to feel this. Even though it hurts so much I want to vomit sometimes.”

This is not the first time Shallow has opened up about her struggles with grief. Last June, she made an Instagram post in which she described how she cried for “2 weeks straight” after her bicycle was stolen. She said she was sharing that story in case any of her followers have “lost something or someone you love and are feeling tender about it. You’re not alone in your emotional ups and downs.”

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Shallow’s Recent Personal Traumas

Parvati’s newest message is coming on the heels of multiple personal tragedies. In August 2021, about two months after the bicycle post (above), Shallow would file for a temporary domestic violence restraining order and divorce against her husband John Fincher, another “Survivor” alumnus, alleging physical and emotional abuse. At the end of the month, a judge ordered Fincher to stay away from Parvati and their daughter, Ama.

“I am so afraid for Ama’s physical and emotional well-being given she hears and witnesses her dad screaming and being physically violent towards me,” she said at the time, according to People. She also asked the judge that Fincher attend anger management classes and not “harass, attack, strike, threaten, assault” her or contact her “in any way.”

In November 2020, Shallow’s younger brother Kaelan died at the age of 26. In his obituary, it is implied that Kaelan died under tragic circumstances, as he had struggled with addiction throughout his life and had “attempted to overcome [it] many times.” He was survived by his parents and two sisters.

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Fans Expressed Their Support for Shallow

In the hours following her post, fans of Shallow’s flocked to social media to vocalize their support through her struggle, and even expressed how Shallow’s openness could help others going through similar turmoil. One fan even responded to the post, “You don’t know me from anyone, but I just wanted to say that I hear your pain and am holding space in my heart for you … Your vulnerability and honesty is beautiful. Thank you for your willingness to share with the social media world. You never know who it will impact.”

Fans also expressed their concern for Shallow in a Reddit posting titled “Is Parvati OK?” One fan said, “Getting divorced is one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences in life. I feel her pain. Things will get better, but it will take time. 💔” Another wrote, “Divorce is tough and a custody battle is even tougher. I wish her all the best.”

Another user referenced Alexis Jones, a jury member on Shallow’s winning “Survivor” season, “Micronesia,” who asked her during that season’s Final Tribal Council whether she would be a better role model than her co-finalist Amanda Kimmel. The fan wrote, “When Alexis asked if you could be a role model, you totally showed that you are one. A warrior, a great mother, a fantastic woman, a SURVIVOR. You have our respect and admiration 🧡”

In response to Jones’s question, back in 2007, Shallow responded, “I don’t know if it’s better or worse, I’m more outspoken than Amanda. I think I’m more independent, I don’t like things to be done for me … For me, I think I’m more willing to put myself out there.”

“Survivor” airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. Eastern on CBS. Be sure to catch season 42 when it premieres Wednesday, March 9.

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