Earthquake in Kentucky: We Have Clearly Angered God

A 4.3 magnitude earthquake has hit near Whitesburg, Kentucky, rattling nearby areas in Virginia, West Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Indiana, Ohio and Georgia. So far no serious damage has been reported.

So, almost two weeks ago we get hit with a Frankenstorm (Hurricane Sandy + a nor’easter + a winter storm) that completely devastates the entire Eastern seaboard. Then just at we’re finally recovering, a little over a week later, we’re hit with a nor’easter that rips apart all the progress we made. And now, just three days later there’s an earthquake in Kentucky.

Clearly something is going on here. Frankly, I encourage us to declare war on mother nature. She’s clearly struck first. At this point it’d just be self defense.

Look, humans and the earth have had a good run, but everything has to end sometime. And frankly, the current situation has become untenable. The earth has got to go.

I DEMAND HOT SHOWERS, EARTH! YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM FROM ME FOREVER! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!