It’s double your drama, double your fun week on The Bachelor, as Wednesday, February 5, Bachelor Nation is treated to a second episode of Peter Weber and his lovely ladies. After the explosive accusations being thrown around in Costa Rica, they are all headed to beautiful Santiago, Chile, where the group date involves filming a telenovela. In true Bachelor fashion, it devolves into “bachelorettes yelling at one another.”
Additionally, it’s time for the dreaded (for them) and awesome (for us) two-on-one date. Nothing can really top Ali Fedotowsky’s season when she left Kasey on a glacier during her two-on-one date, but we’re sure this one will be good too. There are some very contentious relationships among the bachelorettes from which to choose a good pair for this annual tradition.
Follow along here with our live recap beginning at 8 p.m. ET/PT, but be warned of spoilers.
All times Eastern.
8:05 — Welcome to Santiago! Peter got his stitches out! So now he just has a weird glob of paste — sorry, “bandage” — on his forehead. But it seriously looks like a weird glob of paste. Meanwhile, the women are out to lunch together and seem to be having fun together. Until Mykenna starts crying. Good lord, collectively it seems like they cannot go five seconds without crying. “Mykenna’s really weepy, like a sad, wet dog on the side of the road,” says Victoria F., which… it’s hard to disagree with that.
8:07 — Speaking of weepy Mykenna, Peter saunters up and asks Hannah Ann to go explore Santiago with him. Mykenna almost swallows her tongue (and we all saw in the last episode how much that would be).
8:12 — On the date, Peter and Hannah Ann take a gondola ride up a mountain and cuddle on the mountaintop monument while they talk about being in love. Hannah Ann says she’s never fully been in love. Peter is concerned about her young age (she’s only 23, which is the second-youngest age there after 22) and the fact that maybe she’s not ready for this. Not to sound like an old lady, but Peter is 28 and in your 20s, that’s a big difference in terms of life experience. If they are to continue the charade of finding true love (which, to be fair, sometimes this show does actually find), it would be a concern if Hannah Ann isn’t done sowing her wild oats or whatever the kids are saying these days.
8:18 — That night, Peter kind of grills Hannah Ann about how she knows this is what she wants and she sounds very pageant-y, pulling the pageant Q&A trick of repeating the question back to him at the start of her answer. And then she starts crying and says she can’t smile through this anymore because she’s starting to fall in love with him. I don’t know, you guys. Something about these two rings so false for me. When does Madison get another solo date?!
8:22 — Back at the mansion, two date cards arrive and they reveal that Victoria F. is getting her second solo date because they didn’t get “a fair shot” on their first one. Everyone is pretty gobsmacked that she’s getting a second date so soon and some of them haven’t had any solo dates. Mykenna cries. Again. Look, it stinks that someone is getting another one-on-one and you haven’t even had your first. But it would mean a lot more to cry over this if you didn’t cry over practically everything else.
8:28 — But before Victoria’s big date, the other ladies get to go film a scene in a telenovela called “El Amor de Pedro.” All I can think of is the telenovela episode of Psych, which was so, so good.
8:30 — The Bachelor version is, unfortunately, not nearly as fun or funny. This is actually quite painful. The only good part is when Chris Harrison shows up in a cameo.
8:42 — At the cocktail party, Peter and Victoria P have a heart-to-heart about how things have kind of taken a downturn for their relationship after all that Alayah business. At first it seems like they’re going to try to work through it, but then Peter just lays it all out there, “I don’t know if I see you as my wife.” She cries and asks for someone to call her a cab. She doesn’t want Peter to walk her out, she doesn’t want to keep talking. Wow. That escalated quickly.
8:50 — Finally Madison and Peter get some alone time and they quickly have a serious makeout session. I feel like we have barely seen her since the first solo date. Where has she been? They have so much chemistry together. Also, she seems way older than 23, whereas Hannah Ann does not. Anybody else?
8:53 — Meanwhile, Tammy decides that things are too calm back at the cocktail party, so she confronts Mykenna about how all over the map she thinks Mykenna is. Tammy calls her immature, says she acts like a child, then she shuts Kelsey down when Kelsey tries to defend Mykenna. Man, Tammy cranked herself up to 11 this week, didn’t she?
8:57 — HIlariously, while the girls start straight-up yelling inside, Madison and Peter just keep making out, vaguely acknowledging that they can hear the shouting. But they’re too busy kissing to be too concerned. Madison gets the rose later.
9:05 — Victoria F. and Peter go to a ranch and get to ride horses, then have a big group dinner with the ranch hands — none of whom are Victoria’s ex-boyfriend or brother or high school teacher or whatever. But later, Victoria breaks down talking about how she’s not sure if she can do this or if this is the right choice for her. Peter is less than thrilled to hear that.
9:15 — That night, he wants to know why Victoria (we can drop the F now that P is gone) pulls away from him so much even when they have such amazing chemistry together. She says she’s trying not to put up walls, but it’s hard and she’s not good at it. She passive-aggressively says, “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this, maybe you’d be happier with someone else who can do that” and then she cries and walks off, muttering to herself about not being good enough and blah blah blah. This is rough, you guys, because I could not care less about Victoria. I don’t think she’s the one for Peter, so it’s hard to care about this.
9:22 — Then after Victoria dramatically takes time in the bathroom to talk to a producer about it, she comes back and says she can do this and Peter says he won’t stop falling for her. Ugh, is she one of those people who just constantly needs reassurance? That gets so old. Run, Peter. Run fast.
9:30 — Peter decides that “enough is enough” and makes Tammy and Mykenna go on the dreaded (for them) and awesome (for us) two-on-one date. When they get there, Mykenna confronts Tammy and tells her that she (Mykenna) is a strong woman and having Tammy tear her down made her “find [her] voice” and “kindness wins” and “love wins” and OMG, what is happening right now?! It’s fine to get some confidence, but let’s not co-opt the struggle for marriage equality, mkay? Mykenna is soooooo dramatic.
9:40 — Both Tammy and Mykenna spend alone time with Peter talking themselves up and trashing the other one. Again, like with Victoria, I don’t think either of these two also-rans is going to the end and they are not the ones for Peter, so it’s hard to care about this very much. Just send them both home, dude.
9:43 — When Mykenna returns to where she and Tammy were sitting, they snark at each other for a few minutes. Tammy gets in some good shots and Mykenna tries to fire back, but really it’s like a 1st grader trying to spar with a teenager. Mykenna really is an immature girl. She’s only 22 and it shows. But Peter keeps Mykenna and sends Tammy on her way.
9:46 — Mykenna goes back to the other ladies and gloats, saying that Peter trusts her and that she couldn’t let Tammy walk all over her anymore. Um, that’s not exactly what happened, Mykenna. But Tammy doesn’t come off looking much better when she says in the car that Peter obviously wants a trophy and she (Tammy) is not that. That is also not the problem, Tammy.
9:56 — After a pointless tiny scene and then another commercial (they seriously did not have enough content for five hours’ worth of show this week), it’s finally rose ceremony time. Victoria, Hannah Ann, and Madison already have roses, then the other three go to Kelsey, Natasha, and Kelley, which means that Sydney and Mykenna are going home. Whoa. I did not call Natasha staying over Sydney. Also, the immense frowny-face Mykenna makes when her name is not called is AMAZING.
9:59 — In her exit interview, Mykenna cries and says, “Even though I wanted to end up here in love, I feel like I”m more madly in love with who I am than anything.” LOL. Oh, Mykenna.
Now that the field is getting fairly small, who are your frontrunners for the next Bachelorette? Chris Harrison dished some great dirt for us on the casting process, so you better believe the show is constantly monitoring fan reactions.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC, with a special episode airing this Wednesday, February 5 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC as well.