Joan Vassos Struggled As ‘Golden Bachelorette,’ but Experience ‘Cured Me’

Heavy/ABC 'The Golden Bachelorette' felt as if she was almost cheating as she fell in love again.

Joan Vassos is ABC’s first “The Golden Bachelorette,” and her journey to find love again begins airing on September 18. Ahead of her premiere airing, she opened up about the complicated emotions she navigated as she started to fall in love again.

Vassos realized she felt “guilty” at times as she embraced being “The Golden Bachelorette.” Although her former husband died several years ago, Vassos told People she “almost felt like I was cheating” on him.

She can’t share details regarding how her season ends. However, she declared the experience “cured me.”

“The journey made me open to love,” she revealed. “I figured it out partway through the journey that I really wasn’t there when I came,” Vassos added. “But, I got there.”

‘The Golden Bachelorette’ Star Hadn’t Processed Her Grief Over Her Husband’s Death

On September 17, People shared highlights from a chat with Vassos about her experience on “The Golden Bachelorette.” As the outlet noted, Vassos lost her husband, John, to pancreatic cancer in January 2021. The couple had been married for 32 years.

As she filmed, Vassos explained, “It was in my face that I was feeling really guilty, honestly, about having feelings for somebody else.”

“I almost felt like I was cheating on John, which is crazy because he’s passed away,” Vassos added.

Vassos acknowledged, “My husband passed away during COVID and I really didn’t embrace the whole mourning thing.” She recalled, “I was in charge of being strong. I just buckled down and ignored it.”

Because her husband died during the COVID-19 pandemic, Vassos found her options for support such as group therapy were limited. Vassos admitted that at the time, she “didn’t embrace the whole mourning thing.”

She joined the first season of “The Golden Bachelor,” led by Gerry Turner, but left early. While Vassos and Turner seemed to have a connection, she felt she was needed at home. One of her daughters had recently given birth and was struggling.

Given how short her time was on “The Golden Bachelor,” it seems Vassos got through the experience without having to face her unresolved grief. As “The Golden Bachelorette,” however, she couldn’t escape it.

“I had to face it,” Vassos admitted of the grief she had tried to avoid dealing with.

Vassos’ Late Husband Didn’t Want Her to Remain Alone

Vassos’ former husband wanted her to fall in love again. She told People that before his 2021 death, he told her, “I want you to find somebody. You are the greatest wife in the world. I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to find somebody.”

Even though Vassos knew her former husband wanted her to find love again, she faced “uneasy” feelings about following through as “The Golden Bachelorette.”

Luckily, production provided Vassos with access to psychiatrists who successfully led her through her mixed emotions.

“They said, ‘You don’t have to let go of John. Picture it like this: you have two balloons, in this hand, and your potential person that you’re going to fall in love with in this hand. You don’t have to let go of him from this hand to pick this one up and have a life with this one,'” she recalled.

That metaphor was a “good lesson” for Vassos, she acknowledged.

Talking about her late husband with her “Golden Bachelorette” suitors allowed them to share similar experiences. That proved to be a big step forward for everybody.

“Talking about it and letting it out makes it more almost joyful,” Vassos explained.

Before filming “The Golden Bachelorette,” Vassos avoided reminders of her late husband. “I went from not being able to think about him or even having a picture in my house that I could see every day … to the point where now I’m feeling so much better about it.”