Vatican Names First Native American Saint

In a quest to reclaim areas lost to the teachings of Christ, largely due to unwavering sex scandals, Pope Benedict added seven new saints to the canon and they’re a mixed bag.

Kateri Tekakwitha, the first ever Native American to be named saint by the Pope, born in modern-day New York back in 1656, devoted her life to the faith, going as far as placing hot coals between her toes and sleeping on a bed of thorns to “punish herself”, in addition to taking a lifetime vow of chastity.

The story goes, that when Kateri died, at the age of 24, her smallpox scars instantly disappeared, and folks began reporting visions of “Lily of the Mohawks”-a name attributed to her in the centuries following her passing.

Also included in the ceremony, were new saints from France, Italy, Germany and Spain.

No word yet on whether or not the Pope will name Paul McCartney next go-around in the Catholic Church’s bid to “save rock and roll”.

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