One day before being found dead on a roadway in Phoenix, former UCLA basketball player Billy Knight recorded a chilling Youtube video. He begins the video, “This is probably my last message on earth.” He sighs deeply then continues by saying he lived a sinful life.
Knight’s body was found at about 2:45am Sunday morning along a road near a construction site. USA Today reports that there is no evidence of foul play. Knight was 39.
His cause of death will be determined by the Maricopa County Medical Examiner.
*This article will be updated with more information as it becomes available.
Read on for the full transcription of the video:
This is probably my last message on earth. I just want to say that I lived a life of sin. I lied, I cheated, and I stole. From many people. I was a taker, and that’s why my life ended up where it is now. Life is not a game. You can’t play around with life. It’s serious. And I wasn’t honest with a lot of people– even my mom, my brother, and my family members. I isolated myself from my family members. I isolated myself from my friends. And that’s not something you should do. If this happens, you probably have a mental illness. Mental illness is serious. I hear voices in my head constantly; I don’t know where they come from. I just ask God for forgiveness for all the wrong I’ve done. When I was younger I was really religious. Spiritual. And I obeyed the laws of the universe, of the earth, the Ten Commandments. And once I got older, I thought I knew it all and I veered off. But what I want to say– I just want to help someone out there who’s feeling like me. Maybe an ex-athlete, maybe someone who’s changing jobs. I just want to try and at least help them out by putting this on Youtube. So other people can hear and maybe get help. I never got help. I denied help. And people told me to get help. Many people. And I just ignored them and I thought I could do it on my own. When in reality, you can’t really do it on your own. You need to get help. Now, I’m lost in life and I feel like there is no hope. I have no friends with me here. I have no wife or girlfriend. I have nothing. And I just feel like I can’t continue on. But if you’re feeling like this please get help. Don’t let this linger on. I love Earth, I try to do the best I can, but I got caught up in sin. You can’t live a life of sin. So whatever you do, continue to read the Bible, continue to read your religion– the Quran. If you’re Buddha, the teaching of Buddha, Mormon, Christian, whatever– just continue to stay faithful to your God. I grew up with Jesus Christ. He’s my Lord and Savior and I veered off and veered away, and I just used. I use people to get what I want and that’s not how you’re supposed to live. So if you feel like you’re using people, stop no. This life is about giving. The secret to living is giving. Give to others. Give yourself. I just feel like I didn’t belong here on Earth, so my time is up. I couldn’t. I couldn’t obey the laws. I couldn’t fit in society. So now I will take my chances. Either I’ll be in heaven, or I’ll be in hell, or I’ll be in limbo. But I’m willing to take that chance. And I’ll be watching over all the people that I’ve hurt throughout my life and all the people I used throughout my life. My family as well. I know there’s one person who loved me more than anything in the world. And that’s my brother. Erif, man, I treated you bad, too. But you still loved me, man. And I love you, too, Eric. I love you more than anything. I left some stuff for you– it’s all I had. If I had more I would give you more. Bless your wife. Your kids— I’ll be looking over you and I’ll protect you and make sure you’re being safe. You’ll be better than me. I’m sorry Lord.
Knight was remembered on Twitter by the UCLA men’s basketball team, who wrote, “Our hearts are heavy after learning Billy Knight has passed away. We ask that the Bruin family keep Billy’s loved ones in their thoughts during this difficult time.”
Our hearts are heavy after learning Billy Knight has passed away. We ask that the Bruin family keep Billy’s loved ones in their thoughts during this difficult time.
Hundreds of former teammates, friends, and fans have flocked to Twitter to commemorate Knight.
Sad. Sad. Sad. Rest Easy Billy Knight. Another bruin gone. Another athlete gone. Mental illness IS NOT A JOKE!!! I’m here for EVERYONE who needs to talk. We ALL go through problems. Don’t be AFRAID TO GET HELP!! #awareness #MentalHealthMatters #SpeakUp
The fatal news about former UCLA Billy Knight is devastating! Known the Knight family for 20+ years. Great people. Parents fantastic! Billy’s brother Eric played on my Belmont Shore squad in late 90s. Heartbroken!
Devastated to watch Billy Knight’s goodbye video knowing full well that it was our society who failed him. I’m not OK with where we are in the mental health conversation. The story of my partnership with @AllALittleCrazy from @philplaymakers t.co/ykb4iUQPa7