Elvis’ Sh*t-Stained Underwear Goes Up For Auction

Sure, you might own all of Elvis’ albums, know all of his songs and have an Elvis-themed wedding, but you are not a true Elvis fan until you have owned his poopoo-stained skivvies. That’s right, you can own a underwear that touched The King’s peanut butter and banana, if you know what I mean.

According to the BBC, an auction house in England acquired Elvis’ soiled THUNDERwear (a term I coined to describe underwear that has experienced “butt thunder” of Elvis) from his father, Vernon. The auction is set for September 8, and the article is expected to go for around $15,800. That’s right! For just under $16,000 you can own some of Elvis’ “Burnin’ Love” (from the looks of the picture, it seems he was eating Chipotle while wearing those). And Elvis did die on the toilet, which has to increase the historical value of this artifact.

I hope that some eccentric billionaire bids on Elvis’ tighty whities and then clones him (I’m lookin at you Mikhail Prokhorov). From the picture, it looks like his undies are laced with 35-year-old Elvis’ DNA. All you gotta do is win the briefs, perfect the art of cloning and then bing bang boom, I get to hear “Hound Dog” live. The ball is in your hands, Mikhail, the ball is on your hands.

Other items up for bid at this auction are some home videos and Elvis’ personal Bible that contains his handwritten notes and thoughts. No news on whether those items will also be covered in Elvis’ “Big Hunk o’ Love.”