According to the Daily Mail, a British man in Croatia jumped off a 60-foot wooden platform into five feet of water in order to try to impress some girls, nearly killing himself and landing in a belly flop. The platform was there to help local fishermen spot tuna, but it was no longer in use. The British man, named David Wilson, claimed loudly to some girls that he could easily dive from the platform.
Now, it’s easy to laugh at this man for his stupidity. Very, very easy. So easy, in fact, that I’m doing it right now. But is this man really that different from you or me? Well, yes because his nads may never be the same. As witness Vedran Bilic put it, “It was apparently the mother of all belly flops – it must have really hurt his private parts.”
Yes, it must have, Vedran, yes it must have. But other than the whole are his privates probably being swollen to the size grapefruits thing, he’s just doing what every man ever has done every single day: try to impress girls. That is pretty much the impetus for anything a man has done throughout the whole of human existence.
In fact, I applaud King Belly Flopper for his great act of stupidity. The fact that he would have died if he had actually dived instead of belly flopping just makes it better. An act so stupid, reckless, and deadly could only produce greatness. And it did! The world’s biggest belly flop. Who is to say which accomplishment in trying to impress girls is more important, the world’s biggest belly flop or the works of William Shakespeare? Both represent the greatness to which men stupidly aspire in order to impress girls.
A British hero. To quote our good friend Vedran once again:
I thought he would be crippled but he swam to the shore and ran off. It must have hurt because he hit the water with a terrific whack as he wasn’t exactly a good diver.
Not exactly a good diver, but exactly a great human being.
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