Monica Lewinsky Tell-All: Bill Clinton Loves Threesomes; I Had Abortion

The most infamous intern in the world is slated to release a salacious memoir.  Monica Lewinsky, 39, is reportedly releasing a book, chronicling her randy relationship with former President Bill Clinton. Call it revenge or just another way to collect on the affair, but Lewinsky seems to be finally breaking her silence with the tell-all of the 21st century, including the revelation of an unplanned, terminated pregnancy with a Pentagon official named “Thomas,” along with love letters that were saved to her from horny old Bill, branding his yen for threesomes. Way to go, Mr. President. At least you are not as boring as some of your predecessors.

The perky brunette who gained universal criticism for her role in the scandalous affair is presumed to have remained bitter and angry after several years, unable to wash her hands clean. “Monica has tried to move forward, but the nightmare of her affair with Bill still haunts her,” said a pal of hers who spoke to the Enquirer.

According to the Daily Mail, Lewinsky is set to disclose searing details that would even make E.J. James, author of Fifty Shades of Grey, blush. According to friends close to Lewinsky, this memoir could send Bill to the hospital with a heart attack, facing humiliation from peers and family, laying out their nine sexual trysts from November 1995 to March 1997. In one of the letters, Clinton apparently refers to Hillary as “a cold fish.”

Lewinsky, who fled the states a few years after the sh*t hit the fan, relocated to London, where she received her master’s degree in social psychology from the London School of Economics, was widely known thereafter for her fashion handbag line and role as an on-air correspondent for Britain’s Channel 5.

Imagine what Hillary will think when this book hits the shelves. After being married to Bill for over three decades, would she really care or be surprised that he is an animal in the sack? “Monica can describe how Bill went on and on about his insatiable desire for three-way sex, orgies, and the use of sex toys of all kinds. She can also recall everything Bill said about Hillary, including the fact that he thought he wasn’t the only one looking for love outside the marriage,” claims her pal.

Lewinsky has been widely rumored to pocket at least a cool $12 million for her story, fielding a slew of offers from potential editors in New York. Poor Monica can’t seem to catch a break, unable to secure steady work with such a tarnished reputation since the late ’90s. Perhaps this golden book of secrets will reveal the truth of who Bill really is and how she is no longer the stupefied victim everyone says she is in this unfortunate disaster.