Getty Michelle Wolf
Comedian Michelle Wolf caused controversy at the White House Correspondents dinner, with an expletive-laden, Donald Trump-bashing routine that mostly roasted Republicans but threw some barbs at Democrats and the news media too. She saved her harshest comments for Trump, his family members, and his top female aides, calling the president a “racist” and a “monster,” the vice president a “weirdo,” Kellyanne Conway a “liar” who belonged under a falling tree, Sarah Huckabee Sanders an “Uncle Tom” for white women, and saying the president’s daughter Ivanka was “about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons.” (You can watch the video in full below. Be aware that it contains graphic language.)
Wolf also said of abortion, “don’t knock it until you try it… you’ve got to get that baby out of there.”
Sean Spicer, the former White House press secretary, tweeted after the dinner: “Tonight’s #WHCD was a disgrace.” The camera caught some of Wolf’s targets – notably Conway and Sanders – looking very displeased and uncomfortable as Wolf insulted them. You can read some of her sharpest comments below. Some members of the Trump administration walked out of the dinner during the routine.
You can watch Wolf’s remarks in full in the video below:
“Another victory for @realDonaldTrump for not attending and proving his point once again,” Reince Priebus wrote on Twitter. “The room was uncomfortable. Trump lovers and even a large number of Trump haters were pretty miserable.”
Wolf opened the roast by saying, “Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, let’s get this over with.” She cut right to the chase when it came to her feelings for the president, saying, “Trump is president; it’s not ideal.” (The president, meanwhile, was holding a rally in Michigan.)
“I’m here to make jokes. I have no agenda. I’m not trying to get anything accomplished. So everyone who’s here from Congress, you should feel right at home,” Wolf said, adding, “I’m 32-years-old…20 years too old for Roy Moore.” When laughter erupted, she said, “I know, he almost got elected.”
“It’s 2018, and I’m a woman, so you can not shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire $130,000.” She said he could find her under her porn star name, Reince Priebus. (Priebus was in the audience).
Todd J. Gillman and Michelle Wolf attend the 2018 White House Correspondents’ Dinner at Washington Hilton on April 28, 2018 in Washington, DC.
Wolf said she wasn’t going to talk about Russia, Putin, and collusion because “there’s a lot of liberal media here, and I don’t want to know what any of you look like when you orgasm. Except for you Jake Tapper.”
Wolf did throw a barb at Hillary Clinton, saying that whereas Trump was in contact with Russia, the “Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan.”
“Trump isn’t here…I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one p*ssy you’re not allowed to grab….I know people really want me to go after Trump tonight,” she added. “People call Trump names all the time…tonight I’m going to try to make fun of the president in a new way…Mr. President I don’t think you’re very rich… in New York, you’re doing fine.”
She told the crowd: “I’m going to say Trump is so broke,” and urged the audience to repeatedly respond, “how broke is he?”
Some of her responses: “He looked for foreign oil in Don Jr.’s hair” and “Southwest used him as one of their engines.”
“Trump is racist, though. He loves white nationalists. Which is a weird term for a Nazi,” Wolf said.
“Trump’s also an idea guy. He’s got loads of ideas… he wants to give teachers guns. And I support that, so they can sell them for what they need, like supplies,” she joked.
Wolf also went after the vice president. “Just when you think Trump is awful, you remember Mike Pence…Mike Pence is also very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder. First of all, don’t knock it until you try it… you’ve got to get that baby out of there.” She added: “Mike Pence is a weirdo though. He’s a weird little guy.”
She went after a few Democrats. “Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was the great Ted Kennedy who said, ‘Wow, that’s crazy. I murdered a woman,'” she said.
“You guys are going through cabinet members quicker than Starbucks throws out black people. Don’t worry. They’re having an afternoon. That’ll solve it. We just needed an afternoon,” she told the crowd.
Paul Ryan also couldn’t make it, she said. “Of course, he’s already been circumcised. Unfortunately, when they were down there, they also took his balls.”
“Republicans are easy to make fun of. It’s like shooting fish in a Chris Christie….Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything,” joked Wolf.
Her ire was particularly pointed when she was insulting the women who work for Donald Trump. “We should definitely talk about the women in the Trump administration. There’s Kellyanne Conway. She has the perfect name for what she does…You guys have got to stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie….if a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree. I’m not suggesting she gets hurt, just stuck. Stuck under a tree.”
“There’s also of course Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out, she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women. So I guess, like father, like daughter. Oh, you don’t think he’s good in bed, C’mon. But Ivanka does clean up nice though. She’s the diaper genie of the administration. On the outside, she looks sleek. On the inside it’s still full of sh*t.”
During the White House Correspondents Dinner, President Donald Trump appeared at a rally in Michigan.
Of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she said: “I’m not sure what we’re going to get. A press briefing, A bunch of lies or divided into softball teams.” According to Wolf, Sanders “burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Maybe she’s born with it or maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies.” She added: “What’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women.”
At the end of her skit, Wolf directed her insults at the news media. “We have our friends from CNN here… you guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it.”
“Fox News is here. So you know what that means ladies: Cover your drinks. Seriously.”
“People wanted me to make fun of Sean Hannity but I couldn’t do that because this dinner’s for journalists.”
On MSNBC: “This is who you are is what your mom thinks the sad show on MSNBC is.”
On the Morning Joe hosts: “Congratulations you guys. It’s like when a me too works out.”
On Rachel Maddow, “She’s the Peter Pan of MSNBC. Instead of never growing up, she never gets to the point.”
On Megyn Kelly, “What would I do without Megyn Kelly? Probably be more proud of women….She’s so white cold, and expensive she might as well be the winter Olympics. And by the way Megyn, Santa’s black. The weird old guy going through your chimney was Bill O’Reilly.”
“I’m not going to go after print media tonight because it’s illegal to go after an endangered species.”
And in conclusion: “You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him….Trump has helped all of you. He couldn’t sell steaks, or vodka, or water or college or ties or Eric, but he has helped you. He has helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster and now you’re profiting off of him.”