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Even at Olympic Sex-Fest LeBron James Can’t Get Laid

lebron james lauren perdue

Rev up the schadenfreude engines, this is going to be a good one! The Olympics is a well-known sex-fest for the athletes. Well, apparently not for America’s most hated athlete, LeBron James.

Everyone loves hating LeBron James. So, America, the Olympics have provided us with a wonderful, wonderful gift. Kick back, relax, break out a cold glass of haterade, and enjoy.

Apparently LeBron asked out Team USA Olympic swimmer Lauren Perdue and got shut down.

Boom!

Oh, it just feels so good. I wish I could turn LeBron getting shut down into cloth and wear it as a coat. That’d be the comfiest coat ever.

In the middle of a giant pile of people getting down together, LeBron got turned down!

Okay, okay, so maybe this is a much smaller deal than we’re all making it out to be. Maybe he was just inviting her to go grab some grub as friends. After all, Perdue herself said, “He was kind of joking but he was basically like, ‘Would you like to come eat with me at the dining hall?'”

Ooh, the dining hall. LeBron, you big spender you. Maybe on your second date you can take her to get a Big Mac. Maybe if you get married you can have the reception at Applebee’s.

And while Perdue downplays the whole thing and suggests it was all just a joke, she does add how she responded to his offer: “And I said, ‘Um, I’m sorry, I have a curfew. So I turned that one down, yeah.”

Ouch. Just brutal. Getting turned down based on curfew. Oh, that one cuts deep.

I wish I could roll around in this story and bathe in it.

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