DWTS Alum Shares Story of 1st True Laugh After Spouse’s Heartbreaking Death

Heavy Allison Holker found laughter again after tWitch's death.

A former “Dancing with the Stars” professional dancer recently shared an emotional story about finding laughter again after tragedy. Allison Holker was married to Stephen “tWitch” Boss for more than a decade. Sadly, as the Los Angeles Times noted, he died by suicide in December 2022. The DWTS star opened up about navigating the heartbreak of losing Boss ahead of her debut as a judge on season 18 of “So You Think You Can Dance.”

Here’s what you need to know:

Allison Holker Felt Guilty & Cried When She Laughed Again After Boss’ Death

Holker opened up about her heartbreak and recovery during the January 18 episode of Nick Viall’s podcast “The Viall Files.”

Boss and Holker met through dance and it was an integral part of their relationship. After his death, Holker could not bring herself to dance again for months.

She told Viall it took a long time for her to truly laugh again too. The SYTYCD judge explained it came when she was with her oldest daughter, Weslie.

“We had a moment months after everything happened. We were in our kitchen and we were, for whatever reason, I don’t even remember what the memory was that got brought up…I do remember [it was] our first laugh,” Holker revealed.

She added, “It took months before we had that and we shared in this wild, wild laughter, just belly laughing.” Holker admitted, “Immediately after we started laughing we stopped and looked at each other, almost on a dime, ’cause then there was almost immediate regret.”

Holker and her daughter both felt “Like, grief from feeling bad about having that laughter.” They hugged and cried after laughing and stopping with the sudden feeling of guilt. “Going through that genuine emotion with someone else at the time was something I’ll never forget,” she acknowledged.

The DWTS Alum Is Grateful She’s Never Felt As Low As Boss Did Before His Death

Holker also revealed, “Honestly, a lot of people would like to see me crying in a corner. Which I’ve done. A lot of people would like to see me still there.”

The SYTYCD judge continued, “I think that’s how people would see themselves if they’ve gone through it. But they haven’t gone through it.”

She added, “And at the end of the day, you don’t really want that. Cuz if I’m there, that means I’m where he was and no one wants that for each other.”

Boss’ death came after a mental health battle that few people knew about. During her time on “The Viall Files,” Holker noted, “Something that I’m grateful [for] from God is that even in my lowest lows, which I would attest this to being something that’s the lowest you can experience, I’ve never been that low.”

Holker explained, “So with that, it only makes me have more empathy for Stephen because I don’t know what that is like. I don’t [know] that feeling that you had to be in. But I’m also grateful that I don’t know that.”

The former “Dancing with the Stars” professional dancer revealed she had a “conversation” with Boss after his death where she forgave him. She shared that she told him, “I forgive you and I hope you have that peace.” She noted she “Needed to allow myself to almost be free of that” for everybody’s sake.

Holker Feels Returning to SYTYCD Is a Perfect Next Move

Holker is returning to where her love story began by joining SYTYCD as a judge for season 18. Holker and Boss had been contestants on the show and met when they later returned as mentors.

She told Hollywood Life, “It’s a great step for my healing journey and being able to connect with someone I love so much.”

The new SYTYCD judge explained, “We can share this beautiful moment, and I can honor him.” At the same time, “For myself, it was a way for me to step forward and pivot myself to who I am now and what am I going to do with my future.”