It’s Super Bowl or Bust for These Soap Opera Eagles

Eagles Game Day Rant
Heavy on Eagles
Joe Staszak shares his Game Day Rant ahead of the Eagles-Commanders game.

The Philadelphia Eagles are the sausage factory of the NFL.  You might want to avert your eyes at the process but the final product has a waft of succulence and a flavorful appeal.

As we’ll get into in today’s Heavy on Eagles Game Day Rant: The wild, soap-opera-level dysfunction doesn’t take away one key reality: As they head south today to take on the division rival Commanders, the Birds are built to win now. And they must deliver. We’ll take a quick look at the basics, then dive right into today’s rant.


The Basics: Eagles at Commanders

  • Who: Eagles (12-2) at Commanders (9-5)
  • When: Sunday 1 p.m. ET
  • Where: Northwest Stadium, Landover, Maryland
  • TV: FOX
  • Betting: Eagles -4 ; Money Line: Eagles -185, Commanders +150

Heavy on Eagles Game Day Rant: The Eagles Are a Dysfunctional Mess. But They’re Built to Win Now

Nick Sirianni

GettyHead coach Nick Sirianni of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Another installment of  “As the Eagles Turn” happens this Sunday, this time on the enemy soil that is Northwest Stadium, in the 11-mile shadow of our nation’s capital.

In the real world, relationships that have the least drama, the least turmoil and the least emotional purging are usually the ones that are the most successful.  This isn’t the case with the Philadelphia Eagles.  Right now they are NFL aristocracy, the “haves” if you will. They HAVE an explosive offense, ranked 8th in the NFL, they HAVE an unyielding, relentless defense that is tops in the league. They HAVE the NFL’s top running back who’s closing in on a 40 year rushing record.  They HAVE a veritable bevy of elite talent, from the rookie level all the way up to the vested veterans, stars, stars and more stars.  The Eagles are at the top of the NFL food chain, where sausage usually dares to climb.   They’re also far and away the loudest, most polarizing and seemingly dysfunctional and unorthodox team in the league.  No one will ever misdiagnose them as being “buttoned-up.”

They HAVE star players who snipe at each other publicly after a franchise-tying 9th straight win. They HAVE a fan favorite, 15 year veteran, who then goes out and affirms the locker room cultural discourse on his own radio show the very next day,  just to make sure the tire fire is bright enough should the Magi encounter cloudy skies on their gift-bearing pilgrimage to the Holy land.

They HAVE an owner who sometimes meddles where he shouldn’t, a general manager, who, when he’s not in timeout, is either busy building Super Bowl rosters or botching first round draft picks.  They HAVE a coach, who doesn’t discriminate against who he goes after on the sidelines, one of his star players perhaps, or maybe the home fans if the situation calls for it,  preferring an open diatribe rather than a tete-a-tete.  He’s outspoken and doesn’t mince words, unless of course he’s at the podium, when his press conferences sometimes morph into monologues straight out of  The Tower of Babel.  And If you want to take shots at him, be careful, you might hit one of his kids.  

Eagles’ head coach Nick Sirianni’s response to the unparalleled criticism, that can only be possible in a town, who’s nickname was the precursor for his most innovative, creative and successful legacy “chunk” play, that gains a whopping 1-2 yards per attempt, is winning.  He’s the winningest active coach in the game (46-19, 704%), an offensive savant who’s opening quarter’s scripted plays have yielded a league worst 1.3 points through the first 13 games this season.  In other words his offense basically only shows up for three quarters and then runs over everybody on their way to a franchise-high 10 straight wins, while leading the league in rushing for the second time in his four year tenure at the Eagles’ helm.  Coach also enjoys watering flowers as much as he does cutting down trees and likes to sport a defiant skin-toned hair style on occasion. 

Sirianni apologizes for nothing and he shouldn’t have to.  All his team does is win, and win a lot. In their first 12 games over the last three seasons, the Eagles are 31-5, (11-1, 10-2, 10-2).  The dysfunctional facade just works for this team.  Well, almost.  While Sirianni’s win-loss numbers are certainly gaudy, the harsh reality is that the coach’s jewelry box is bereft of the only thing that really matters – a ring,  Shakespeare said it best in Hamlet, “The ring’s the thing.”  O.K. fine, he actually said “The play’s the thing.”,  but just work with me here.


It’s Super Bowl or Bust for the Eagles

Jalen Hurts

GettyPhiladelphia Eagles quarterback Jalen Hurts.

The point is this.  It’s Super Bowl or bust for this team this year.  Not next year or the year after that.  This is their time.  If you disagree with me and are satiated by a fabulous regular season that comes up a hair short in the postseason, then you should have your fan card revoked effective immediately, if not sooner.

The Birds came within seconds of capturing the franchise’s second Super Bowl title in six seasons a couple of years ago but they couldn’t finish.  And team’s that don’t finish unfortunately become nice little bedtime short stories that just collect dust on the bookshelf and years from now just fade into bolivian, as Mike Tyson might say.

The Eagles are in the business of winning and right now they have unfinished business. The spotlight is once again on them, even if they don’t land the top seed in the NFC.  

The door is wide open but they don’t need to walk through it, they need to kick it down. It might sound like a bad deal but sometimes you create your own pressure and set your own bar so high that if you don’t deliver, you risk an irrational coup d’etat from your critics and fan base alike.  But that’s life in the NFL.  This team is box office despite the disconcerting modus operandi sometimes.  It just works for them.  Last year they fell apart down the stretch, an epic collapse, the origin of which is still murky at best.  This year’s drama and extraneous noise seems to galvanize this group.  That’s a great sign but these windows of opportunity can close quickly and without much notice.  Just ask the 49ers.

Can the journey be fun, enjoyable, rewarding and entertaining sometimes? Of course it can but this is a business where the only thing that matters is the destination.  The 2022 journey was amazing. Right up to the point where I was picking red and yellow Lombardi-trophy shaped confetti out of my hair filing out of State Farm Stadium, my face nummer than if I was getting prepped for a triple root canal.

You know how you tell the winner of a prize fight?  You wait until the fight is over and one guy is left standing. That’s how you know who won. If the Eagles aren’t the ones left standing on the dais in New Orleans on the evening of February 9th, then the 2024 campaign will go down as just another bust of a season.  That’s life in the NFL.</span

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It’s Super Bowl or Bust for These Soap Opera Eagles

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