Getty This is actually happening. Or it actually already happened.
It’s the battle of the millennium. On Sunday, Discovery will kick off their Shark Week programming with “Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs. Great White.” The race already happened, but that doesn’t mean you degenerates can’t take a little action.
Here are the latest odds from OddsShark:
Phelps vs. Shark Odds
Spread: There is no spread, this is a man vs. shark race
Moneyline: Phelps +325, Shark -550
Total: I just hope Michael Phelps survives
Prediction:
The 100-meter race took place in South Africa, so Phelps couldn’t even get a home-field advantage.
Let’s start with Phelps. He’s fast, but he’s old. At 32 years old, Phelps is way past his shark-racing prime. According to every website on the planet, Phelps has a top swimming speed of six miles per hour. Which is such a stupid measurement, because you’d have to be insane to swim six miles, period.
The number six is from 2010, when ESPN tracked Phelps’ top speed and compared it with other speeds in sports. But the average human swims two miles per hour, and Phelps hasn’t had an accurate measurement in seven years. So everyone wants to say six, but the number is likely even lower.
Sharks live in the water. If they want to go anywhere, they likely have to swim. So it’s fair to say that the shark is in it’s native element. It’s not used to competing, but it probably doesn’t follow the career of Phelps and won’t be intimated. Phelps might be a little shook.
According to speedofanimals.com, Sharks have a top speed of 24.9 miles per hour. That is decidedly faster than whatever Phelps’ dumb arms and legs can generate. While that number is the top speed, the great white has a consistent speed of just over nine miles per hour.
Jesse Owens beat a horse once. He also had a 40-yard head start. If this race is on even terms, Phelps doesn’t stand a chance. It’s just science.
Prediction: Shark wins, Phelps survives
Best Bet: Do Not Bet On This Nonsense