Kimbo, Carano, and Couture: You Take the Good With the Bad

You take the good with the bad in this life. Just when you learn that Gina Carano is posing “semi-nude” for ESPN: The Magazine’s upcoming “Body” issue, just when you think things are going your way, you find out she’s not the only one from the world of MMA posing in the buff.

You sit expectantly, waiting to hear whether the other fighter is the man-beast Cris “Cyborg” Santos. That might not be ideal, but it would have the train wreck appeal of pro wrestler Chyna’s sex tape, the one where we saw what testosterone in massive doses does to female anatomy. Maybe it will be UFC ring card girl Arianny Celeste? Perhaps a rising star like Erin Toughill? Or maybe it will be 46-year old Randy Couture.

Avert your eyes! Instead of a foxy female, or even a hard bodied young piece of eye candy for the 27 women who read news stand sports magazines, you get Couture, a man who looks like he was sent from central casting to play the role of “grizzled lumberjack” in a Lifetime movie where lessons are learned and loves rekindled.

It could be worse I suppose? How so you might ask? It could have been “Big Country” Roy Nelson. Nelson horrified millions of viewers last night by essentially winning via belly. For all the hype, Kimbo Slice was still helpless when the fight hit the mat, getting caught in the same crucifix position that vexed him against James Thompson in the first MMA show on CBS.

Even standing on his feet, where Slice was expected to have a significant advantage, he looked slow and clumsy, moving awkwardly with his chin in the air for anyone to tag at their pleasure. While I wouldn’t say it to his face, Kimbo Slice does not look like a man with a long future as a professional fighter. In fact, they are working hard to make the most watched MMA fighter in America look like the everyman of the show, despite revelations that he received special treatment in the house, including having his family flown in to see him. The UFC is doing a great job of selling. But after losing badly to an enormous fat man, will people still be buying?

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