The Top 10 Unhealthiest States in America: Best of the Worst

fat people

We can all thank those in the Deep South for solidifying the American reputation of being fat and stupid.

United Health Foundation has just released the 22nd annual Health Rankings on the 50 states based on data from agencies like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Census Bureau and American Medical Association.

Surprise, surprise, all those granola-loving tree-huggers put Vermont at the top of the list for the sixth year in a row, followed by Hawaii.

But we’d rather go straight to the bottom of the list and give credit where credit is due — celebrating the top 10 unhealthiest states, based on factors including obesity, diabetes rates, smoking popularity, poverty rates and risk of dying from heart disease and cancer. Here goes.

1. Louisiana and Mississippi
A last place tie! Louisiana, last year’s unhealthiest state, is now joined at the bottom by its neighbor, Mississippi.

popeye's chicken

Louisiana Fast! Or, obese and very slow.

I doubt fried chicken intake is in any way related to obesity rates.

3. Arkansas

arkansas fat

The southern stranglehold in this contest gets stronger with Arkansas coming in at third place. Maybe Monica Lewinsky just reminded Bill of simpler times back in Arkansas.

4. West Virginia

west virginia

West Virginia stays beautiful by keeping people out of pictures of it.

According to Wikipedia, West Virginia is known for providing many opportunities for recreational outdoor activities, like “skiing, whitewater rafting, fishing, hiking, mountain biking and hunting.” Apparently, none of the people who actually live there take advantage of these opportunities.

5. South Carolina

south of the border

South Carolina’s Pride and Joy

North Carolina is a whopping 13 spots ahead of its Southern counterpart at a respectable 36th healthiest state. How did South Carolina fall so low? They’re lucky we let them back into the country after starting that whole seceding from the Union trend back in Civil War days.

6. Alabama

fat belly

Down to a dismal 6th unhealthiest state, Alabamans rank 2nd in obesity. Nicely done.

7. Kentucky

kfc double down

KFC’s Double Down is probably responsible for them ending up on this list.

Yeah, definitely no way that fried chicken has anything to do with this.

8. Oklahoma

fat kid

The Okies didn’t stand a chance. There’s nothing to do out there but eat.

9. Missouri

fat ladies

Missouri is nicknamed “The Show-Me State.” Nobody knows why. But according to Missouri’s Secretary of State’s website, it now indicates the “stalwart, conservative, noncredulous character of Missourians.” Isn’t the word incredulous?

10. Indiana

deep fried indiana

Indiana barely edged out Texas and squeezed their obese selves into the top 10. Props.

Shockingly, none of these states made it into the top 5 dumbest states in the nation. So, just fat, not stupid. Congrats to them all!
Here’s the report:

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