Comedy

6 Reasons North Korea is More Sad than Scary, Including Cannibalism

North Korea finally launched a successful missile and well, that’s kind of terrifying. The reality of North Korea is that try as it might to seem on top of its game, it’s actually a terrible place to live for anyone that’s not Kim Jong-Un, and well, he’s just not as powerful as he thinks. For instance…

6. The highways and roads are there, but the cars aren’t.

EmptyRoads

sadCarz

And when you look at a vehicle that’s actually being used…

ancientTuruck

I’d make a joke about some prior decade calling, but I just don’t have the energy after seeing such vast emptiness.

Highway

When your highway is doubling as walkway, something is not right. Something is sad.


5. Kim Jung Un can’t even do propaganda right.

KimJungUnPosing

The thing about this picture is that at first glance you think “everyone is miserable to pose for this picture,” but this is actually false. North Koreans are indoctrinated to believe that Kim Jung Un is a living God. The looks on these people’s faces is actually fear, intimidation, and well, the kind of face you make when you see someone you have been raised from birth to believe the world revolves around. As for the rest of the world, all we see is a photo of sad with a side of hate directed at Kim Jung Un’s strangely delighted smile.

Leaked Footage of North Korea’s Nuclear Rocket Launch! 10 Terrifying Images

Run for your lives! The great imperial leader has gotten his hands on some bottle rockets and roman candles.

Click here to read more

4. The North Korean army is the 4th biggest in the world… by number of soldiers.
While the numbers are nothing to scoff at, modern war isn’t really about how many dudes you have. Obama’s infamous “horses and bayonettes” line comes to mind because well, war has changed. A more accurate gauge of military power is the number of aircraft carriers, since these are essentially small floating countries that’s main export is devastation.
WorldAircraftCarriers
Think we got this one, guys.


3. The Ryugyong Hotel
The thing about running a small country like North Korea and you know, enslaving the masses by force and propaganda, is that it’s all about looks. You want people to think that North Korea is the best country in the world and you do that by showing them. So, you build a massive hotel, the first building outside America with over 100 floors, and you say, hey, look at that everyone, aren’t things great?

SadHotel

Problem: North Korea couldn’t afford to finish it. And there it stood for over ten years, uninhabited and hideous. Not exactly the testament to North Korean might and economic progress that the powers-that-be hoped it would be. Read more about the fascinating story here.


2. North Korea’s economy is the size of Mount Rushmore’s home.

MountRushmore

That’s right, if you look at all the wealth in North Korea, every single dollar in existence, you have about as much in the Kim Jong-Un promise land as in the serene mountainous South Dakota. We’re not talking about California here people, we’re talking about a total GDP of 40 billion dollars. Imagine if South Dakota seceded and threatened the motherland. How scared would anyone be of that? This famous picture really says everything you need to know about the sad little place of brainwashed folks with an awful dictator that we call North Korea.

NoLights

That little light sitting all by itself, that’s the capital city of Pyongyang. You scared, bro?


1. Cannibalism by Famine
A news report surfaced recently revealing that a recent famine has led people to kill and eat their own children. While this may have the makings of an urban myth, the simple fact is that when people starve, they’ll eat each other. We may never know the absolute truth because Pyongyang isn’t exactly quick to confirm rumors of their own population self-consuming. In any case, this is just a tragic symptom of a horrifically stifled economy and a brutal dictator. To give you an idea of how little food there is:
calories

Kind of makes you realize why Americans are so fat. It’s not just cause we’re lazy, it’s because we’re relatively speaking, filthy rich.

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