Celebrities

Trainwreck 100: Jim-Bob Duggar

Trainwreck 100

Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.

This hillbilly head of household is one of many reality TV monsters that are jockeying for a place on the list, but with a family that includes an always-pregnant wife and nineteen kids, he takes the baby craze to a scary (and Jesus-loving) level. With his head permanently lacquered with hair spray, this patriarch aims to make as many babies as God will let him before his nutsack gives out. And how are those babies raised? Why, in a creepy ultra-conservative compound where the girls aren’t allowed to wear pants, of course! Watching this crowd, who make the Osmonds look like the Osbournes, is an exercise in tooth-grating tedium, but for some reason America just can’t get enough of this quasi-Mormon brood. Who am I talking about? After the jump, bro.

Trainwreck 100 Jim-Bob Duggar

Hallelujah, it’s Jim-Bob Duggar! Before TLC became the network of absurdly huge families and passive-aggressive gays, nobody had ever heard of the terrifyingly fertile Duggar family. But reality TV made them stars, with their banal adventures in groupthink on every Tuesday night. Jim-Bob’s ludicrous attempts to make his family live like it’s 1950 and Black people aren’t real are hilarious, but it’s also kind of creepy when you think 100 years in the future, when each of the 19 kids has had 19 of their own, and those 19 have done the same, and those 19 have followed suit – we’re talking 7,239 Duggars walking the Earth, each one with a name beginning with “J.” We’re gonna need a bigger camera. Enjoy this clip of the entire family on The View.

Check out the Trainwreck 100 archive here.

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