Obama So the President addressed the students of the nation today, with a rousing speech that pushed them to succeed and excel in higher learning to carry America forward into the bright future of bla, bla, bla, you know the drill. What you might not have knowed is that, before right-wing commentators pitched a fit, Obama’s speech was originally a little different. Here are five points that got left on the cutting room floor.

Funding for natural sciences now provided courtesy of Frito-Lay. Any new Doritos flavors created in the American public school system will be property of Frito-Lay, Inc.

Xbox Live Gamer Points are tax-deductable through 2012.

NASA is going to launch “all kinds of crap” into space this year, with hopes that it will make some “awesome YouTube videos.”

Getting good grades does not necessarily guarantee you a promising future, but learning how to kiss ass certainly does.

“Yes, I did cocaine at Harvard,” commented the president. “What was I supposed to do, go to Chico State and do ludes?”

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