The Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis airs tonight, on July 29, 2018, at 10 p.m. ET/PT and 9 p.m. CT. And, the show airs on multiple networks – BET, MTV, VH1 and Comedy Central. Willis rides in on a motorcycle for his big night and laughs up all the jokes. Prior to taping the event, Willis said that he agreed to do the roast because of the fun behind it, not necessarily the insults. According to People, Willis explained, “These guys are all my friends, and they are all crazy in their own right. It’s just going to be a big room full of laughter, and you don’t see things like that very often. You don’t see, ‘Let’s go down there and laugh as much as we can’ … It doesn’t bother me when someone takes the piss out of me … This is going to be a big party.”
The roasters making up the dais for Willis’ roast are big time stars, friends and comedians. And, the host is a major A-lister as well. Get the rundown on the Bruce Willis Roast cast and host below, along with some of the jokes each one contributed to the roast.
The host of the roast was Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and, according to People, his connection to Willis is from when he played a young version of Willis’ character in the movie Looper, in 2012. Prior to emceeing the roast, Gordon-Levitt gushed to Variety that, “I’ve looked up to Bruce my whole life. I was genuinely honored to work alongside him and, in essence, PLAY him when we made ‘Looper’ together. He has treated me with absolutely nothing but warmth and kindness. And so I look forward to mercilessly making fun of him on TV.” Gordon-Levitt grew up a child actor on shows like Roseanne and 3rd Rock from the Sun. He went on to star in many feature films as an adult.
Demi Moore’s appearance at the roast was a surprise to many, including the man of the hour, Bruce Willis. Moore is Willis’ ex-wife and together, they have three daughters. The ex-couple was married from 1987 to 2000 and they appear to have a friendly relationship today. During her roast of Willis, according to People, some of her insults included jokes like these:
“I was married to Bruce for the first three Die Hard movies, which makes sense, because the last two sucked.”
“Bruce is super generous. When our daughter Rumer was a baby and it was his turn to change the diaper in the middle of the night, he would lean over and whisper to me, ‘I’ll give you a thousand dollars right now if you change that diaper.’ Scout asked me not to say anything, but just last week he offered her a thousand dollars to change his diaper. Some things never change.”
The crowd was reportedly so amped up by Moore that even her Harvey Weinstein jokes went over well.
Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis appeared on the show Moonlighting together and they reunite at the roast, as Shepherd takes the stage to have a go at Willis. Both won awards for their parts on the TV series. But, it was Shepherd who took some punches at the roast when she said that she played Martha Stewart more beautifully onscreen. Stewart fired back, saying, “Isn’t it interesting that your career basically ended after that role, as if you’d offended someone, someone with power? Who could craft such a scheme? It was me, bitch!”
Actor Ed Norton knows Willis from when he was in Wes Anderson’s 2012 film Moonrise Kingdom. When dishing out the jokes on stage, some of the words that Norton said included these jokes:
“Can I cock my eye and say some cryptic (lines) that literally not one person understands and have everyone laugh their (butts) off? I cannot … I tried to emulate you in American History X. I shaved my head, I acted like a racist. It’s probably the closest any actor has come to being you in a film, and I got nominated for a best actor (Oscar). But the movie made less money than you made on the opening weekend of Nobody’s Fool.”
Norton and Willis have also been working together on a project called Motherless Brooklyn.
Nikki Glaser did not hold back when it came to her jokes, making fun of the members of the dais around her, in addition to star Bruce Willis. When dissing Edward Norton, she said, “Ed, you look like a marionette became a boy, and then the boy became an asshole. Ed was so hot in Fight Club … when he was Brad Pitt.” As for Glaser’s disses for Willis, some of them included:
“This is a real personal moment for me, to be here roasting my dead cousin’s second-favorite action star. You had an amazing action film career until Jason Statham started balding.”
“Bruce has been very active with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is where they make sick kids meet you so dying doesn’t seem so terrible.”
Lil Rel Howery
Prior to the roast, actor and comedian Howery gushed over his excitement to participate, according to The Comedy Network. Howery dished to Conan O’Brien that, “I’m a huge Bruce Willis fan. Before I got the offer (to appear on the roast) I was just watching Die Hard on the plane for no reason. I love the first Die Hard.”
This actually isn’t the first time that Stewart has been a part of a dais at a roast, but this time, it’s because Willis is reportedly her neighbor, as reported by USA Today. Martha Stewart is a household name and she’s got a quicker wit than some would think. Some of Stewart’s big jokes of the night for the roast were against the dais, as well as Willis. Stewart joked:
“I’m a big fan of Bruce’s music. I play it all my parties … when it’s late and time for everyone to leave.”
“Dom, keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be discovered … by your landlord … two weeks after you suffer a heart attack.”
“#MeToo shouldn’t just be what a guy says when his friend says he slept with Nikki.”
During Pollak’s moment on stage, he also took the opportunity to poke fun at Edward Norton’s ego, saying, “Wanna know how brilliant Ed Norton is? Ask him.” But, Pollak took some insults himself, and comedienne Nikki Glaser really gave it to him when she said, “Kevin Pollak does an amazing Robin Williams, I just wish he’d finish it. I mean, we’ve lost a lot of great ones to suicide, it’s time we lost some OK ones.” Some know Pollak from movies including House Arrest and She’s All That. According to USA Today, one of the other jokes that Pollak said at the roast included this zinger: “Whose idea was Bruce’s R&B album? His manager, and by manager, I mean cocaine. A Jeff Ross-size bag of cocaine.”
Former Dennis Rodman has been known for his legal issues, his short-lived marriage to Carmen Electra, and now, bombing at the Bruce Willis Roast, according to USA Today. Rodman reportedly takes the stage and has trouble getting the crowd on his side, especially since he kept saying, “I’ve never done this before.” Even Rodman ended up realizing he was bombing, admitting on stage, “Aw, this sucks, doesn’t it?”
Comedian Jeff Ross is also known as the Roastmaster General. He is a prominent face at roasts and is the king of insults. He also happens to be a producer of Willis’ roast. Some of the insults that Ross dished out at the roast were:
“You look like Stone Cold Steve Alopecia. You look like Sir Patrick Stewart if he operated a Ferris wheel. You look like a snake that gave up and stopped growing back his skin.”
“You may wonder how Bruce stays so fit. It’s by throwing up after eating at Planet Hollywood. Anthony Bourdain ate there once and said it was one of the saddest times of his life. He was supposed to be here today, but he canceled.”
“Bruce, you look like Elmer Fudd if he’d hunted shitty scripts instead of wascally wabbits.”
When Dom Irrera took the stage to participate in the roast, he poked fun at fellow member of the dais, Ed Norton, saying, “Ed starred in Primal Fear, which is the feeling you get after fucking Courtney Love without a condom. He never became famous enough for her to have him murdered. That’s a shame.” Irrera is an actor, writer and producer, known for The Big Lebowski.