In this increasingly competitive global marketplace, corporations are turning more and more often to outsourced labor to shore up their bottom line. Here at Heavy, we’re always looking to save a little cash to spend on sandwiches and the company of potentially interested women, so I contacted an IT firm in Bangalore and offered them a hilariously tiny amount of money for them to get each of their 800 employees to provide me with their favorite joke to use on the site. Some selected results are below, and I think they provide quite an interesting glimpse into the sense of humor of our friends overseas.
Judge: Why do you want divorce?
Man : she doesn’t satisfy me in bed
Judge: Is it true Madam?
Lady : Demit! The whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problem!
The good thing about this joke is that you can pretend it’s set in a moon colony in the future and they are getting a space divorce.
A man is incomplete before he is married. After he is married he is FINISHED.
I think this guy might actually wear a T-shirt with this on it.
A filipino accidentally bump an American while on his way to the office:
Chinese : I’m sorry..
American : I’m sorry too.
Chinese : Sorry three
American : What are you sorry for?
Chinese : Sorry five( the American was a little annoyed )
American : I’m sick of this..( the Chinese man laughed,)
American : Hahaha.. It’s not sik, it’s sorry six..
This joke works on a number of levels. One, it’s ethnically insulting in a way that I can’t really understand. Two, a Filipino guy turns into a Chinese guy as if by magic. Three, the punchline apparently involves counting.
3 ants were going in a single line. First ant: There are two ants behind me.Second ant: There is one ant behind me.Third ant: There are two ants behind me. How is third ants comment possible? Answer: the third ant has lied.
This is actually like a total mindf*ck to me. Is being lied to by an insect a serious concern in the IT industry in Bangalore?
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
Apparently Santa is a real dude in India.
Director: You should jump to the swimming pool from 100 feet height.
Actor: I don’t know swimming.
Director: Don’t worry, there is no water.
In Bollywood films, it’s actually quite common to have whole pages of the script where the only dialogue is “!!!!!”
A science professor decides to do his on research on cockroaches. He takes a live cockroach and cuts one of its legs. He then says ‘walk!’. The cockroach walks on three legs. He then cuts off a second leg of the cockroach and says ‘walk!’. The cockroach goes a little further. He repeats the same twice till the cockroach has no legs remaining and says ‘walk’. The cockroach is unable to walk. The profesor comes to the conclusion that ‘When you cut off all the legs of a cockroach, it cannot hear a thing!’.
Yeah, take that, science.
That concludes our experiment in Comedy Outsourcing. With the money we spent on this article, only 1.4 people need to read it for us to turn a profit. Would you mind sending the link to the nearest midget in your school or office? Bam! That one was 100% American.