Comedy

What I Think Of These People: Iron Man

Iron Man

Pop culture: it moves so fast, it can put your eye out. And for an old dude like myself, who remembers grunge music and when Heroes was good, it can be hard to keep track of what’s going on. So I turned to the younger generation – in this case, my seven year old niece Adelaide. Every two weeks, I’m going to show her a picture of some pop culture movers and shakers and have her tell me about them. This installment: Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man.

“Thank you for this picture! Tony Stark is the world-famous Iron Man. He invented a machine that can kill people instantly. The machine also reduces electricity (using too much is bad because people need electricity in their homes, not the killing machines).

He also invented his suit, the one he’s wearing in the picture. Iron Man fights for the good, not the evil. He chooses to do that because he’s a superhero, and that’s a superhero’s job. Villains don’t have as much fun as superheroes because saving people is much better. Saving people instead of killing people will keep you out of jail … if you went to jail, you’d have to be there for months or even years. You stay in, like a cage, and do stuff for the police when you’re in jail. Like cook lunch, you have to cook chili for all the police if you’re in jail.

I think Iron Man is really awesome. I used to think he was my boyfriend, but I don’t want to say that anymore. People think I’m weird when I say that. They’re all like “It’s strange because Iron Man is not a real person!” It makes me feel embarrassed.

It would be fun to be his girlfriend again, but he’s with that hot-lookin’ Pepper (is that her name? Pepper?). If he was my boyfriend we’d ride on boats and merry-go-rounds and um … kiss. It would be awesome and painful to kiss someone who was metal. You’d probably get a little shock off of him.

I like the real movie Iron Man because there’s a lot more awesome weapons and violence. There’s weird stories and names in the cartoon kind of Iron Man, and weird is crazy.’”

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