Comedy

Why Does Pizza Hut Hate America?

That photo below is of Pizza Hut’s new Kit Kat Pops, an incredibly bizarre/genius idea of taking Kit Kat candy bars and wrapping them in warm pizza dough. The idea alone is enough to give somebody diabetes. And it’s just the latest in Pizza Hut’s assault on the psyche of the American people. Why? Because this creation of carb excess isn’t even available in the land of the free.

pizza hut kit kat

That’s right my, fatty friends, Kit Kat Pops are only available at Pizza Huts in the Middle East. Along with the Kit Kat Pops is the Crown Crust Cheeseburger Pizza, a pizza crust literally made of cheeseburgers.

If you’d like to try one of these monsters and take no less than 2 years off your life, all for the sake of cheese, you’re going to have to hop a plane to one of their locations in Kuwait, Oman, Jordan, Bahrain, Qatar or Egypt. FU, Pizza Hut, why do you hate America so much to deprive our fat faces of this melted mozzarella debauchery?!

According to Pizza Hut Middle East’s Facebook page, they’ve been around since 1986, but only recently started rolling out these freaks of fast food cuisine. What could be the reason for Pizza Hut allowing a cheese burger crust pizza to exist and not market it to Americans? Americans love this sort of thing to death – literally. Who exactly is running Pizza Hut Middle East and why have they deprived the USA of certain items?

Perhaps they created these special items as gesture of gratitude for the US military serving in those countries. A taste of their cholesterol fueled homeland.

Doubtful. By only offering a select item to a certain group, they’re losing potentially massive profits. That’s not the way a successful corporation works.

Maybe they’re only offering these items to folks in the Middle East as a way of forcing them into the ways of western culture – a cheese and dough blitzkrieg?

Possible. Few people can resist cheese and Pizza Hut is known for offering some incredibly enticing 2 for 1 deals. Some might say that a more subtle, gradual approach to “red, white and blue washing” a culture would be more effective. Though the hit’em fast, hit’em hard method can be effective also.

Pizza Hut is run by Middle Eastern extremist groups who want to use our own weapons against us in a sick and twisted mind game.

Without a doubt the most likely.

cheesburger pizza

If cheese burgers and Kit Kats weren’t enough, they’ve also got a pizza encased in cheese filled cannoli shells. Pure madness.

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