As the year draws to a close it’s important to take a look back at all of the wonderful events and people who made this year great. It’s even more important though to look back at all the d-bags who stunk up 2012. We’re grateful for your bad behavior, celebrity assholes, you build up our self-esteem with your ignorant rants and irresponsible driving. Let us raise up our glasses and toast your jerk behavior of 2012.
So the chubby kid from Two and a Half Men found the lord Jesus, good for him. Wait a second… he then went on to condemn the show as a spawn of filth straight from Satan’s urethra. Oooh, maybe not such a smart move, kid. The suits at CBS have had enough drama with their number one cash cow ever since Charlie Sheen went el loco, the last thing they need is an adolescent twerp derailing the money train. Angus went on to implore Christians to stop watching the show because of its vile content, which probably isn’t a bad idea. Not because of any spiritual reasons, it’s just a really lame show.
Asshole level: 3
Unfortunately when your last name is Kardashian being a douche is basically unavoidable. When equally untalented singer Rita Ora was accused of cheating on poor Roby with multiple guys he took to the Twitter streams with a barrage of angry tweets and Rita’s new nickname “Rita Whora.” Clever and douchey – nice! And not to forget the rest of the Kardashian spawn, Kim managed to incite more rioting in the Middle East merely from the presence of her “western evil sex flaunting ass.” Ouch, America.
Asshole level: 4.5
Lindsay Lohan, whoops, we mean Amanda Bynes had some trouble with the law this year when she got busted for DUI at 3a.m. on the streets of Tinseltown. And this wasn’t a one time only run-in with the fuzz. Bynes racked up more traffic incidents including a hit-and-run in August and driving with a suspended license charge in September. Not exactly worthy of an “Asshole of the Year” award, but when you tweet the president asking him to pardon you and fire the arresting officer, you’ve officially joined the 2012 Asshole Club.
We’re still trying to bounce back from the financial hit we took thanks to the calls from the scab refs. Waving one’s arms around in a full body spasm and throwing a flag on the field before kickoff has even taken place does not a ref make. The entire sport of football felt the effects of letting a bunch of Foot Locker employees onto the field, and the both the players and fans suffered for it. Just thinking about that Seahawks win over the Packers still makes us nauseous. Who knows what chaos the NFL might have spiraled into had the refs’ benefits request not been made.
Asshole level: 6.5
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Not since Tiger Woods has a professional athlete at this level taken such a nosedive into sh*tsville. Those seven Tour De France titles mean jack squat now after Lance got busted for a career of performance enhancing drug use. A few million in lost endorsement deals, Live Strong bracelets in the trash and we can all finally pretend to stop giving a crap about bicycle racing.
Asshole level: 7
Well, he did beat ball cancer…
Asshole level: 6
Katt Williams has taken a cue right out of the James Brown playbook of crazy. Onstage meltdowns, cancelled shows, assaults, where to even begin?! At a November show in Denver, Katt chased and spit on a heckler after the fan began calling him “Crack Williams” because of his bizarre on-stage behavior.
Not one to let up on the wave of crazy, Kat went on to pimpslap a Target store employee just weeks later and create a bar brawl in California the very next day. You so crazy, Katt… no really, you ARE crazy.
Asshole level: 8
Politicians are usually very assholish in general, but Todd Aiken really upped the bar this August with his viewpoint on pregnancy from rape and what is a “legitimate rape.” We get it, Todd, you talked to a doctor and came to the conclusion that a woman’s body will shut that whole pregnancy thing down if she gets assaulted by a creepshow in a dark alley. The only positive thing Todd did offer us this year was the Tumblr that followed his idiotic comments.
Asshole level: 8
Do we really need to explain this one? “But wait a minute, wasn’t that Rihanna punching bag thing a few years ago?” Yea, but Chris “smack a b*tch up” Brown took his asshole ways into full force in 2012. Let’s do a quick recap, shall we? Following the Grammys earlier this year Chris told his critics on Twitter to f*ck off cuz he’s got a Grammy. Next, he gets a tattoo on his neck of a beat up woman who looks strikingly similar to Rihanna. And just earlier this month got in a Twitter war with Jenny Johnson and sumoned his Team Breezy losers to issue their own threats. Asshole. Case closed.
Asshole level: 9
Donald trump is like a wart on America. He’s been around far too long and no matter how much we try to push him down he keeps popping back up. The only entry on our list to have nearly three decades of asshole under his belt. Running some casinos and a beauty pagent doesn’t give you liberty to spew out verbal vomit whenever you like without repercussion. Not liking Obama is one thing, laying a proposal on the table offering up charity money ONLY if the prez hands over his college records gets you spot to the front of the asshole line. And if you need any more proof of Douche Trump’s asshole-like ways, just check out the Twitter rant he went on after the democrats won another four years in the White House.
Asshole level: 9
Like Chris Brown, Lindsay has been carrying on her asshole behavior for a couple of years now, but it’s often the public that feels the wrath of her bitch wave. First off, she made a horrible appearance on SNL nine months ago, struggling to read her cue cards and delivering a stilted, terribly unfunny performance.
Then we had a few quite months from Lilo and all was right in the world. Fall brought autumn colors and a fresh harvest of Lindsay crime with the redheaded thug hitting a guy in NYC with her car and punching out a woman in a nightclub a week after Thanksgiving. Who knows what Lohan-esque plague will roll around come the Mayan Apocalypse!
Asshole level: 9
$50 billion in damages, 113 deaths, thousands left without electricity or a home and the title of worst hurricane in modern history to hit New Jersey/New York. Sandy was a total asshole and her wrath will probably be felt for years to come.
Asshole level: 10