Oscar Winners, Oscar Losers

Sandra BullockAnother night of Oscar glitz has come and gone, and the watercooler talk is going to be pretty poppin’, assuming the recession hasn’t made your company replace the watercooler with a garden hose. Here’s a list of who took home statues last night (or at least the important ones, sorry technical people who don’t even get to come to the real show), as well as some of our picks for the night’s winners and losers.

Winner: Neil Patrick Harris – Who would have thought that the former Doogie Howser would enjoy a career resurgence like this? Opening the show with a little song and dance, NPH grabbed a lot of attention away from nominal hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, about which:

Losers: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin – After a decent opening, the dual-host routine sort of fizzled out. If there’s one thing nobody wants, it’s for an Oscars show to run long, and the endless banter between two perfectly serviceable comedians became interminable around the unfunny Paranormal Activity parody. Dear Academy: don’t do this again.

Winner: Precious – Let’s be frank here: I thought Precious was a terrible film. Like a Mad TV sketch that went on for two hours too long, it was a white guilt wallow in cartoonish nonsense that people lapped up like gravy. But wins for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Supporting Actress prove that Oscar will always love the ethnic low blow, even as the peanut gallery calls BS. 

Loser: Gabourey Sidibe – Well, as much as a completely untrained actress who gets nominated for an Oscar her first time out can be called a “loser,” but you know. There was absolutely no reason for her to be nominated, her performance was inanimate, but she can still take that Oscar home by eating Sandra Bullock.

Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Walz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Animated Feature: Up

Best Original Song: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart

Best Animated Short: Logorama (watch it here if you haven’t already)

Best Adapted Screenplay: Precious

Best Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique, Precious

Best Art Direction: Avatar

Best Cinematography:Mauro Fiore, Avatar

Best Score: Michael Giacchino, Up

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

Best Director – Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Best Picture – The Hurt Locker