90 Day Fiance star Deavan Clegg asked people to stop “attacking” her mom after she opened up in a YouTube video about alleged abuse from her ex-boyfriend, the father of daughter Drascilla. Currently, Deavan is living with her husband, Jihoon Lee, in South Korea, but she doesn’t share much information about Drascilla’s dad—and there’s a reason for it.
In her April 3 YouTube video, Deavan talked about her relationship with her ex and how the alleged abuse started and how their relationship ended. She referred to him as “Tom” to hide his identity.
“Hey, everyone. I posted a video yesterday about my abuse story. And people are attacking my mom,” Deavan, 23, wrote on April 4. “My mom didn’t know the level of abuse until I left. And she did everything in her power to try and get me to leave my abuser. So please stop messaging her and sending her hate.”
“Bullying is not the answer,” she added. “It makes you no better than the abuser. So let’s only send love.”
The First Red Flag Was Tom Getting Angry About a Facebook Message
Deavan said she and Tom, the alias for her ex, met each other when she was 17 and he was 18. “He just seemed super genuine,” she said about when they first started dating. “He was super nice. I didn’t see any red flags at all.”
They were dating for about three months when they got into a fight over Deavan’s ex messaging her. The ex asked about Deavan’s new relationship and Tom didn’t like that she was keeping in contact with a former lover.
“I had my laptop pulled up and an ex-boyfriend of mine, who happens to be a friend as well, he had messaged me and he was asking about Tom and how we were doing. I said, ‘Oh, we’re doing great. Thanks for asking.’ Tom kind of got jealous,” Deavan said. “This is the first warning sign I kind of noticed.”
After that, Tom would bring up the Facebook messages when they fought and then put a passcode on Deavan’s phone that only he knew. She would need him to unlock her phone if she wanted to use it. Deavan said he then stopped her from seeing her family and friends.
Deavan alleged the abuse escalated when she moved back home with her mom after they couldn’t afford the rent for their apartment anymore. Her mom knew their relationship was turbulent and tried to stop them from seeing each other, but Deavan would hang out with Tom at his house, she said.
Becoming Pregnant Made Her Want to Leave Him
For Deavan there were two choices: Have an abortion and stay with Tom, or have the baby and leave Tom. She didn’t want to terminate the pregnancy, so she ended the relationship.
“It was one of those things where it’s like, I can get an abortion and stay with him, or I can leave him and have this baby,” she said. “Those were my options. Because if I was going to stay with him, I wasn’t going to have this baby and I knew that but I really wanted this baby and I didn’t want him anymore.”
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse. All calls are confidential.