Comedy

Top 10 Badass Things to Do With a Pumpkin

pumpkins

When it comes to seasons of the year, fall reigns supreme. Summer is too hot, winter is too cold and spring is too happy. Fall is the perfect midway point between the seasons and for that reason, October is the Anne Hathaway of months.

Best part of Fall? The Pumpkins! That’s right, America, you better brace yourself because pumpkins are back and everyone is obsessed with pumpkin stuff.

Want to be a badass pumpkin user and impress all your friends just standing around with their pumpkin spice lattes? Here are 10 easy ways to show your dominance over that big orange groud!

1. You Can Scare the Hell Out of Kids!


2.You Can Destroy a Car with It!


3. You Can Make a Donut Out of it and Then put Bacon on It!
Pumpkin Doughnuts Maple Bacon Frosting Doughnuts Frosted


4. You Can Turn it Into a Keg!
pumpkin keg


5. You Can Carve It… With a Gun!


6. You Can Have Your Pumpkin Destroy All Other Pumpkins!
killer pumpkin


7. You Can Use it to Shield Your Genitals!


8.You Can Smoke Out of It! (For Tobacco Use Only)
bong


9. You Can Set Yourself On Fire!


10. You Can Talk to… and Then Get Shot Down by This Girl!

courtney stodden pumpkins

Courtney Stodden, Official Pumpkin Playmate

Eitan Levine is a New York City based comic. Follow him on Twitter at @Eitanthegoalie .

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