Celebrities

The Passion Of Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson

Poor Mel Gibson just can’t catch a break, can he?  It seems like every day, there is some new tape leaked to the media of Mel doing racist Mad-Libs.  But how do we know the voice on those tapes really belongs to Mel?  How do we know that these aren’t just the fabrication of some mad powerbroker in Hollywood (I believe Mel would use the term Jew) angry over some of Mel’s previous work?  Perhaps the voice on the tapes is really the voice of a robot, a robot who apparently hates Mel’s girlfriend, is racist as hell and really likes burning down houses and blow jobs.  We just don’t know.

Why would someone hate Mel Gibson enough to do something like this, though?  I mean, look, I know that The Man Without a Face sucked, but was it really that offensive?  Then again, maybe some South Africans are pissed at him for whipping up on their dude in Lethal Weapon 2. Who knows?  Okay, fine, there was that slightly controversial movie he made a few years ago that was savagely brutal and also depicted the Jewish people in a poor light, but must Mel Gibson pay for the sins of Signs forever?  Hasn’t he been crucified enough by the evil media, with their evil robot Mel Gibson impersonators and their sugar tits?

Let us not forget that Mel Gibson is not a man to be trifled with.  There are consequences to criticizing Australia’s Master Thespian (Sorry Russell Crowe and Yahoo Serious.)  The following are just a few of the reported encounters with Mel Gibson from people who found themselves on his bad side:

- Apparently, while on the set of Lethal Weapon 4, Mel became enraged when Danny Glover stole the last ham sandwich from catering.  He proceeded to tie a rope around Glover’s ankles, tie him to the back of his truck and then drag him around the set, screaming racial epithets the entire time.  Not even Joe Pesci could save Glover, as Mel reportedly screamed at him “Go make me a pizza, Mussolini!” when he tried to intervene.  This is the real reason why Lethal Weapon 5 hasn’t happened yet.

- While on the set of Maverick, it is rumored that Jodie Foster enraged Mel when she insisted that women should have the right to vote.  Mel then threatened to sock her in the gut and pistol whip her entire family if she didn’t go bake him a pie.

- While making Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Mel apparently became furious when Tina Turner made the mistake of trying to shake his hand.  No one knows exactly what he said to her but she was later seen sobbing, afraid for her life.  And this was a woman who was married to Ike Turner.

- During the filming of Air America, Robert Downey, Jr. did something to piss of Mel that remains a mystery.  Mel was later seen that night planting something in Downey’s travel bag.  Six weeks later, Downey was officially a heroin addict.  Coincidence?  Or the righteous hand of Mel Gibson’s vengeance?

- While doing voice work for the film Pocahontas, Mel became livid when producers refused to accept his rewrites, which included several scenes of his character randomly slaughtering various Indians for various petty offenses.  When they reminded him that it was a family film, he thrashed the recording studio and then beat the hell out of Linda Hunt who was recording the voice of the character of Grandmother Willow next door.  Apparently, Christian Bale, who voiced the role of Thomas in the children’s film, tried to intervene, but when Linda Hunt accidentally grazed him while falling backwards from a Mel Gibson dropkick, Bale also became enraged and the situation devolved into a two on one beatdown of little old Linda Hunt by Mel Gibson and Christian Bale.

As you can see, you mess with Mel Gibson at your own peril.  He is just a simple man trying to make his way in the world and he can’t help it if people are constantly trying to start crap with him.  So before you criticize Mel Gibson, just remember these stories and remember that you will blow him before he burns your house down.

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