Listen up, planet Earth, your existence is just gonna have to wait a few hours, The Avengers had a rough night in Vegas and have some sh*t that’s got to be handled first. Captain America is no where to be found and somebody popped in Cris Angel’s pool – typical superhero shenanigans.
If you find yourself stressing out over your romantic partner’s total disregard for you, relax and concentrate on the fact that it’s almost over.
I’m not sure if this taints Taxi Driver for me or ruins any appreciation for Disney that I once had. Probably a little of both. Either way, it’s a pretty humorous look through the eyes of Travis Bickle as he witnesses his decrepit Time Square become polluted in a whole new way.
If there’s anybody in the Star Wars galaxy who is in dire need of a good scrub down, it’s got to be Chewy. The guy’s fur was clumpier than Bob Marley’s dreads in 1977, and that was 30 years ago. Who knows what space filth Chewbacca’s been picking up along the way?! Luckily, Chewbacca’s got a couple of caring ladies offering to clean him up, and the force is strong with these two – most people aren’t brave enough to take on wookie dingleberries.
The Creed fan is one of the rarest species of rock fans out there, driven to the near brink of extinction, only one Creed fan exists in captivity today. This riveting documentary gives insight into his plight, and the scientists that are desperately seeking to preserve this misunderstood species.
What would “Eruption” sound like with a missing E string? How less epic would “For Whom the Bell Tolls” be with no pyro? The roadie is the unsung band member of rock, the man who makes the show all come together. He’s a guitar tech, light technician, drug dealer, and panty grabber all in one. The D pays tribute to this man of the shadows, and the thunderous orgasm of rock that he’s responsible for every time those Marshall amps blast at the rock show.
Can you break into a light jog at a moments notice? Can you tell the difference between a healthy person and the living dead? Are you comfortable wielding a firearm like a total bad ass in the ashes of civilization? Congrats! You’re ready for zombie survival.
You can take your fancy glasses and shove’em, Google! Until you can make everyone around me far more interesting and sexy than they actually are, beer goggles will always be #1. Not to mention, I can score a pair of beer goggles for far less than the cost of Google glasses.
Just because you think you want one thing, doesn’t mean that it’s what you really want. Siri knows this and she’s gonna tell you what you need based on politically incorrect stereotypes, whether you like it or not. “Swag, swag, swag, swag…”
On the list of horrible crimes that you can commit against your fellow man, cell phone rudeness has to be somewhere between genocide and farting in the car with the windows rolled up. Stop the madness, people.