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Todd Bentley Wants to Kick the Cancer Out of Your Face

Todd Bentley is a preacher with a plan…to beat the bejesus out of your face, legs and whatever else is within foot-shot. All in the name of God and health, of course.

Based out of Lakeland, Florida’s Fresh Fire Ministries, the tattooed, former Hell’s Angel and drug addict is planning a tour of the UK this month, but, Members of Parliament want nothing to do with the guy. In fact, several members have called for a nationwide ban of the controversial and often violent preacher before he is able to touchdown in Britain.

The Canadian-born Bentley, first gained national attention back in 2008 during the Lakeland Revival, a two-month long celebration of really, really god-obsessed, seizing, tongue-twisting, Christ crazies. His new role as a preacher was a far cry from his past, when he was convicted at the age of 15 for sexually assaulting a 7-year old boy. Told you he was insane. Need more proof?

During one sermon, Bentley proclaimed that he asked God why he wasn’t able to move a poor crippled woman with the word of God. This was God’s response, according to Bentley:

“I want you to grab that lady’s crippled legs and bang them up and down on the platform like a baseball bat.”

So that’s what Bentley did. He beat the shit out of an old woman’s feeble and already broken legs. Because, sometimes you have to break a leg to make an omelet.

In 2009, a year after he broke onto the cancer-kicking scene, he kicked his wife to the curb for a younger church intern he was having an affair with. I know, I know. I love this guy too.

And then there’s his allegation that he’s healed 139 deaf/mutes and brought back 33 people from the dead. My question to that is, where the hell do you find 139 deaf/mutes? Put an ad in the paper? Plant someone on the street corner and pay them to hand-signal the handicappers in?

Perhaps my favorite Bentley story is this one though. He tells it better than I can.

Finally, I leave you with this little gem about Bentley beating the crap out of a guy with cancer, who was also recently injured in an auto wreck. BTW, If I had a preacher this awesome, I’d go to church everyday. I’d leave my 7-year old son at home, though.

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