Some people may argue that there are too damn many awards shows. I disagree – I just think there’s too many stupid awards shows. Thankfully, the Spike TV Scream Awards are not in that group. Celebrating the best in horror, fantasy, and sci-fi, they’re a nonstop nerdgasm of delight, and if you missed last night’s broadcast I’ll try to get you up to speed.
The show opened with an appropriately grisly scene – two identical blonde hotties performed a curious ballet of gore and mystery, followed by an award for a movie that ain’t even out yet. Yes, because the Scream Awards make no pretension of being objective, we got Most Anticipated Fantasy Film, where people who haven’t seen movies that aren’t in theaters voted for which one they already liked the best. The winner was Tim Burton’s latest “dark reimagining” – Alice In Wonderland, bringing Johnny Depp onstage for some banter. I can’t wait until Burton gets his hands on Hop On Pop, there’s gonna be some serious gore there. I see Tommy Lee Jones as “Pop.” Anyways, then Megan Fox won something and looked hot, Quentin Tarantino came out and gave a special tribute to George Romero, the lord and ruler of zombietopia, and everything else basically got won by Twilight and True Blood, because having sex with vampires is the new virtual pets and jelly bracelets or something. I don’t even know.
Things continued to get weird as Harrison Ford showed up to crack some jokes and Keith Richards was rolled on stage to accept an award that may or may not exist. I guess maybe the Spike bigwigs thought that everybody would go to sleep with visions of Megan Fox and Jessica Alba dancing in their heads. Instead, I was haunted by a double dose of William Shatner and Stan Lee’s leathery, aging carcasses, coupled with that perverted dwarf Tobey Maguire, and I might not be able to sleep for weeks. Now that’s horror. After the jump, some of the exclusive trailers, teasers and clips from the event.