Zakk Wylde Rocks His C–k Off

Definition of metal? Black Label Society guitar god Zakk Wylde Twittering about having four inches cut off of his trouser snake. Wylde was rushed to the hospital this Friday, where doctors found blood clots in various parts of his body and operated to remove them before they threatened his life. One of those clots was in his dong, and while most dudes would take losing four inches of meat like a Greek tragedy, a true metal God takes it in stride. Quoth the man himself, “On the brighter side, they shaved off four inches from my love cannon, so Barbaranne won’t be in such excruciating pain as I hammer and plough my love into her Thor-style! Aside of that, all is peachy keen!”

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