Rage Against Christmas

Rage Against The Machine ChristmasRage Against The Machine are pretty cool… if you’re 16! No seriously, guys: yeah it’s totally rad they’re all left wing and caring, but every time some guy with a wack hairstyle throws a petulant and inarticulate tantrum over a bald dude fret-wanking like a teenage masturbator the balance of the gentle earthsoul is being wrenched away ever further from “good music” towards “bad music”. Why do you hate the earthsoul?

Gone are the halcyon days when Rage didn’t exist and the worst we could fear is Tom Morello contributing towards some really awful hard rock with that douche from Soundgarden. Rage Against The Machine got back together again this year (probably for the sweet, sweet money) and nobody is safe from the threat of a grown man flipping out like a stoned 19 year old all over your eardrums and face. RATM might be worthy, in an exceptionally ineffective and (did I mention) inarticulate way, but their music sucks. It sucks like a five dollar whore vacuum cleaning your dad’s spaceship while it’s sucked into a black hole and dumped into the universe of suck. It’s just some guy doing lousy raps over lousy (but achingly technical) guitars. If you want petulant teenage music just man up before you pussy out and get some Smiths or Joy Division or something, dudes! Ian Curtis never did a rap. Truly, only the good die young.

Anyway, this year the citizens of the UK are doing their best to resist the annual monolithic and conformist victory of the Simon Cowell-backed X-Factor Christmas #1 record… by launching a monolithic and conformist Facebook campaign to ensure the victory of the Sony Records-backed Rage Against The Machine’s new album Killing In The Name Of Christmas’ number #1 record. This is being done in part to spite X-Factor backer Simon Cowell, a man who is an intergal part of Sony Music Entertainment, the vast corportate megastructure who own Rage Against The Machine from the top of their heads down to the tip of their dinks. Either way, Cowell’s transdimensional insectoid corporate overlords are going to be getting some serious idiot-buxx fired into their chittering space-mandibles this Christmas. Pretty genius move, Sony.