Comedy

Lieberman’s New Citizenship Law

Joe Lieberman
Well-known senatorial muppet Joseph Lieberman took time off from infiltrating the writer’s room of Lost to introduce a new bill designed to strip American citizenship from any American “arrested overseas for their affiliation with a foreign terrorist organization.”

Lieberman, in addition to being a huge Lost fan, apparently believes in the world of 24 where America is being attacked by terrorists at a rate of more than one unsuccessful attempt by a moron every six months, and therefore requires the emergency passage of a law designed to strip citizens of due process and the right to defend themselves.

Lieberman, like so many of the brave patriots who fought to create an great nation built upon untold freedoms and liberties, saw the brazenly stupid plot to set fire to an old car in Times Square and thought to himself “more torture could have – nay, should have! - prevented this.”

Senator Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., normally an ally of Lieberman’s on issues of national security, wondered if stripping terrorists of their American citizenship might preclude our ability to try them for treason, a charge which carries the death penalty, because do I even have to point out the idiocy of trying to use the threat of the death penalty against people willing to kill themselves for their cause?

Lieberman’s law joins the recently passed Arizona SB1070 as laws whose purpose seems to be to legislate the importance of American citizenship at a time when most people are pretty non-plussed about their membership in this great gentleman’s club we call a nation.  We can’t get decent healthcare, all of our money goes to the most miserable pricks our private schools can produce, we’re too afraid to do anything about energy or transportation or any other pressing issue, and everyone’s kind of pissed at each other.  But chin up, despondent American citizen, say Lieberman and the state of Arizona – you could be getting tortured and harassed for no reason at all!

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