With the election of the 76 y/o Pope Francis, the Papacy is given a refreshing burst of new life! New energy! A rebirth of oh shit he died
— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) March 13, 2013
Breaking News: Pope Francis announces he’s retiring. First time in 7 days that a Pope has called it quits.
— Kevin Nealon (@kevin_nealon) March 13, 2013
So the new Pope can talk to God but he needs glasses to see a crowd of thousands of people? — Tommy Johnagin (@tommyjohnagin) March 13, 2013
Congratulations to the Vatican on the new pope! And this time, they found one who never was a Nazi! (we hope, he’s from Argentina) — Bill Maher (@billmaher) March 13, 2013
The last Pope looked Chaotic Evil. This Pope looks Lawful Evil. Someday we’ll hit a True Neutral Pope. — Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) March 13, 2013
I don’t care if this pope is conservative or liberal or nothing. All I wanna know is DO HE HAVE A PODCAST? — Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) March 13, 2013
Does anybody know what the new pope benches? — Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 13, 2013
Awkward. The new pope forgot to thank Harvey Weinstein in his acceptance speech. — Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 13, 2013
Rumors already swirling in Hollywood that the new Pope will replace Leno on NBC at 1130.
— Craig Ferguson (@CraigyFerg) March 13, 2013
“How about…’NEW POPE IS A DOPE!’ – Someone at the NY Post just now, probably.
— Nick Kocher (@NickKocher) March 13, 2013
Shout out to the old man in a suit Swiffering the balcony at the Vatican right now. — mah ree nah (@marinarachael) March 13, 2013
It’s not delivery, it’s BERGOGLIO! #NewPope
— Travon Free (@Travon) March 13, 2013
New Pope walks out looking at tweets on his iPhone. “Lol, these are pretty good, you guys!! Btw I still think gay people are abominations.”
— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) March 13, 2013
Christoph Waltz could knock an impression of this #newpope out of the park.
— CollegeHumor (@CollegeHumor) March 13, 2013
. @subway How many $5 Footlongs do you think the new Pope could eat please be honest.
— Mac Faulkner (@macfaulkner) March 13, 2013
I was hoping for the Canadian pope. Would’ve been great to have a Vatican hockey team. Already had the name: Popesburgh Penguins. #newpope
— Dave Coulier (@DaveCoulier) March 13, 2013