It’s that time of year again when a wave of nerds and geeks descend on San Diego for four days of movie premiers, video game demonstrations, and panels of just about every imaginable pop culture craze. The legendary gathering of all things geekdom has been criticized by the nerdiest of nerds for going too “Hollywood” over recent years… but is anybody really going to tell Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox they aren’t welcome? Doubt it.
Let’s assume you’re one of the few lucky people who was able to snag a pass for this year’s convention without having to sell your first born child on Ebay, here’s a rundown of what you can probably expect at the nerd mecca.
Saturday 8 a.m. You wake up 30 minutes late because you stayed up until 3:30 in the morning playing a Halo: Reach on X-Box and talking smack to a 15 yr old in Nebraska about how you saw Olivia Munn at the airport and totally could have gotten with her, but didn’t want to tie yourself down at the convention.
8:30 a.m. You arrive at the continental breakfast only find out that a guy in a poorly crafted Wolverine costume has taken the last Belgian waffle and the only thing left is a couple of cheese danishes. But you’re lactose intolerant- suck!
9:45 a.m. The shuttle finally arrives at the convention, and it’s about time! Sure there were a couple of hot Asian girls dressed like Chun-Li sitting in front of you, but did the bus driver really have to announce that “anyone bringing swords on the bus will have their dork ass dropped off in Logan Heights?”
9:45-10:30 a.m. Waiting in line to get in behind a guy that obviously forgot to wear deodorant, but can rattle off every villain the Fantastic Four ever fought.
11:00-Noon: Chris Pirrotta and Cliff Broadway from TheOneRing.net give you and 100 other guys dressed as hobbits (except for one guy dressed as Gandalf… lame) the lowdown on the two upcoming Hobbit films. Your mind almost explodes.
12:15-1p.m. Lunch break, the good people at Baja Fresh have a tent set up right outside the registration booth for “Best Princess Leia Costume Contest.” Score!
1-1:20p.m. You get lost on your way to the Family Guy panel and are nearly trampled when a horde of Twilight fans think they see Stephanie Meyer hanging out at the Sony tent. Turns out it was just a very frightened, very pale intern.
2-4p.m. You sneak into a screening of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but must look over your shoulder for security while you update your friends via text on how awesome it is and how much they suck for missing it. You totally rule and will be the envy of everyone… at least for a day or so.
4:30p.m. Swing by the Marvel booth for some free swag. All the good shit is gone and you get stuck with some Squirrel Girl refrigerator magnets.
4:45-6 p.m. During the [adult swim] panel you try and pitch your show idea to the showrunners for Squidbillies but are met with some resistance when their only suggestion is, “ask your doctor to up your medication.”
6:50 p.m. You run into Kevin Nealon from Weeds and ask him if he wants to sneak off and smoke a jay with you. He declines but agrees to pose for a photo for your Facebook profile. An hour later you realize you accidentally cut him out of the picture, dammit!
10:30 p.m. You arrive back at your hotel after attending the screening of the latest Kevin Smith movie (which was completely hilarious btw) and who is that you see walking through the lobby, why it’s Olivia Munn! You run up screaming your love for her and are immediately tasered by her body guard as she reels back in horror.
All in all, a pretty good time.