Everyone is all in an uproar because Elisabeth Hasselbeck basically said that Erin Andrews needs to stop being so whorish with her Dancing With the Stars costumes. Of course, since she is also kind of an idiot, Hasselbeck made sure to reference Andrews’ infamous peephole video, basically saying that if the dude who made the video would have waited a while, he could have just watched Andrews on Dancing With the Stars and avoided that whole messy prison thing.
Since everyone hates Elisabeth Hasselbeck, she is taking her usual public relations beating over this fiasco, but for once I think we should give Hasselbeck a chance to fight back. And since this involves a couple of hot blonds, the obvious solution is to let them fight it out Foxy Boxing style, or perhaps in an inspiring Mud Wrestling bout.
So let’s look at a tale of the tape to see who would win in an Erin Andrews vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck catfight. Well, besides men everywhere.
Height/Reach – Andrews is somewhat of a giantess while Hasselbeck could convincingly star in a live action version of The Smurfs. Edge: Andrews.
Athletic Ability – Andrews is obviously a huge sports fan, but aside from that, I can’t find anything that she did athletically other than some dancing. Meanwhile, Hasselbeck was once a contestant on Survivor, meaning that she has plenty of experience, uh, sitting around bitching. Then again, Hasselbeck is married to a former NFL quarterback, but to be fair, he sucked, so I doubt he can give her much advice. Edge: Who cares? It’s two chicks wrestling in the mud.
Desire – Andrews has that self righteous rage going on right now. She was a victim of a horrible crime and she probably has a lot of pent up anger. On the other hand, Hasselbeck is used to getting abused in the media and by leviathans such as Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg. At some point, she’s going to snap and it won’t be pretty. It might be kind of hot, though. Edge: Hasselbeck.
Final Result of Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. Erin Andrews – Sadly for Hasselbeck, I think that Andrews’ size will be too much to overcome. But, in the end, there are no losers here, just muddy boobs and a bunch of drunk dudes hooting and hollering. Technically, I suppose Andrews would be the winner, and thus the winner of this argument, proving via writhing around on top of Hasselbeck in the mud that she is a dignified woman and that she deserves all of our respect.